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I am adrenaline slammed into inertia: a fast car stuck in traffic.

Gayle Forman

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Gayle Forman
Age: 54
Born: 1970
Born: June 5
Writer
LA
California
Traffic
Stuck
Fast
Car
Slammed
Inertia
Adrenaline

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It feels like the city is telling secrets down here, privy only to those who think to listen.
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Even going to jail would be easy compared to losing you.
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If I stay. If I live. It's up to me.
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I think you're the sort of person who finds money on the ground and waves it in the air and asks if anyone has lost it. I think you cry in movies that aren't even sad because you have a soft heart, though you don't let it show. I think you do things that scare you, and that makes you braver than those adrenaline junkies who bungee-jump off bridges.
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Whoever said that the past isn't dead had it backward. It's the future that's already dead, already played out.
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...no way through it but through it, I tell myself.
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This is myself, baby. All of my selves. I own each and every one of them. I know who I'm pretending to be and who I am. The look he gives me is withering. Do you?
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But then Mason touches my neck, to the spot on it where the cut from that night has since healed, and I pull away. He was right, after all it didn't leave a scar, though part of me wishes it had. At least I'd have some evidence, some justification of this permanence. Stains are even worse when you're the only one who can see them.
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Okay, maybe this was the meant to be: the universe I knew, loved nothing more than balance.
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Then I smell the sweat on him, a clean musky scent that I'd bottle and wear as perfume if I could.
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I'm so tired of missing things I don't have.
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Willem holds my wrist for a long moment, looking at that birthmark. Then he lifts it to his mouth. And though his lips are soft and his kiss is gentle, it feels like a knife jamming into the electrical socket. It feels like the moment when I go live
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You stood over me and you made a promise to me, as sacred as any vow. And I can understand why you're angry, but you can't blame me. You can't hate me for taking your word.
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I think everything is happening all the time, but if you don't put yourself in the path of it, you miss it. When you travel, you put yourself out there. It's not always great. Sometimes it's terrible. But other times ... [...] It's not so bad.
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One day she told me that they'd decided that my gender was divvied into two neat piles-Men and Guys. Basically, all the saints of the world: Men. The jerks, the players, the wet T-shirt contest aficionados? They were Guys.
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Doubt is part of searching. Same as faith.
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