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I am adrenaline slammed into inertia: a fast car stuck in traffic.

Gayle Forman

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Gayle Forman
Age: 54
Born: 1970
Born: June 5
Writer
LA
California
Car
Slammed
Inertia
Adrenaline
Traffic
Stuck
Fast

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Okay, maybe this was the meant to be: the universe I knew, loved nothing more than balance.
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The little things that happen. Sometimes they're insignificant other times, they change everything.
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If I stay. If I live. It’s up to me. All this business about medically induced comas is just doctor talk. It’s not up to the doctors. It’s not up to the absentee angels. It’s not even up to God who, if He exists, is nowhere around right now. It’s up to me.
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This is myself, baby. All of my selves. I own each and every one of them. I know who I'm pretending to be and who I am. The look he gives me is withering. Do you?
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I'm not sure this is a world I belong in anymore. I'm not sure that I want to wake up.
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Sleep would be so welcome. A warm blanket of black to erase everything else. Sleep without dreams. I've heard people talk about the sleep of the dead. Is that what death would feel like? The nicest, warmest, heaviest never-ending nap? If that's what it's like, I wouldn't mind. If that's what dying is like, I wouldn't mind that at all.
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I realize it’s not just Willem I’m looking for it’s Lulu too.
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But seventeen is an inconvenient time to fall in love.
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It's ok if you want to stop fighting.
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Traveling is not something you are good at. It is something you do. Like breathing.
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Even going to jail would be easy compared to losing you.
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I'm not choosing, but I'm running out of fight.
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We were both music-obsessed, each in our own way. If we didn't entirely understand the other person's obsession, it didn't matter, because we understood our own.
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Nothing happens without intention, Willem. Nothing. This theory of yours - life is rules by accidents - isn't that just one huge excuse for passivity?
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Or maybe it's not a miracle. Maybe this is just life. When you open yourself up to it. When you put yourself in the path of it. When you say yes.
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Because for that day, I really did become Lulu. Maybe not from the film or the real Louise Brooks, but my own idea of what Lulu represented. Freedom. Daring. Adventure. Saying yes.
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About being grateful for what you have instead of yearning for what you think you want.
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And I kissed him back so hard, like I was trying to merge our bodies through our lips.
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