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About being grateful for what you have instead of yearning for what you think you want.

Gayle Forman

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Gayle Forman
Age: 54
Born: 1970
Born: June 5
Writer
LA
California
Yearning
Grateful
Instead
Think
Thinking

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And I kissed him back so hard, like I was trying to merge our bodies through our lips.
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It's just one day, one twenty-four-hour period to get yourself through. - Adam
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Life might take you down different roads. But each of you gets to decide which one to take.
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...no way through it but through it, I tell myself.
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Or maybe it's not a miracle. Maybe this is just life. When you open yourself up to it. When you put yourself in the path of it. When you say yes.
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It's okay if you want to go. Everyone wants you to stay. I want you to stay more than I've ever wanted anything in my life. But that's what I want and I could see why it might not be what you want. So I just wanted to tell you that I understand if you go. It's okay if you have to leave us. It's okay if you want to stop fighting.
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I want to undo this. To make it right. But I have no idea how. I don't seem to know how to open up to people without getting the door slammed in my face. So I do nothing.
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But then Mason touches my neck, to the spot on it where the cut from that night has since healed, and I pull away. He was right, after all it didn't leave a scar, though part of me wishes it had. At least I'd have some evidence, some justification of this permanence. Stains are even worse when you're the only one who can see them.
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In the calculus of feelings, you never really know how one person's absence will affect you more than another's.
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I'm also starting to wonder something else. If maybe the point of this crazy quest I'm on wasn't to help me find Willem. Maybe it was to help me find someone else entirely.
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Because for that day, I really did become Lulu. Maybe not from the film or the real Louise Brooks, but my own idea of what Lulu represented. Freedom. Daring. Adventure. Saying yes.
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I am adrenaline slammed into inertia: a fast car stuck in traffic.
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Willem holds my wrist for a long moment, looking at that birthmark. Then he lifts it to his mouth. And though his lips are soft and his kiss is gentle, it feels like a knife jamming into the electrical socket. It feels like the moment when I go live
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I've become to realize there's a world of difference between knowing something happened, even knowing why it happened, and believing it.
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Anything can happen in one day.
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Someone wake me when it's over When the evening silence softens golden Just lay me on bed of dover Oh, I need help with this burden Hush
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I don't know who I am. Or maybe I do know who I am and I just don't want to be her anymore.
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But what if Shakespeare― and Hamlet― were asking the wrong question? What if the real question is not whether to be, but how to be?
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Nothing happens without intention, Willem. Nothing. This theory of yours - life is rules by accidents - isn't that just one huge excuse for passivity?
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This is myself, baby. All of my selves. I own each and every one of them. I know who I'm pretending to be and who I am. The look he gives me is withering. Do you?
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