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What is the real question is not whether to be, but how to be?

Gayle Forman

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Gayle Forman
Age: 54
Born: 1970
Born: June 5
Writer
LA
California
Question
Whether
Real

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It feels like the city is telling secrets down here, privy only to those who think to listen.
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Willem, I suspect deep down you know exactly why you're here, exactly what you want, but you're unwilling to the wanting, let alone the having. Because both of those propositions are terrifying.
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He gives me a little shrug, like, of course, why else? And at this point, I really have no right to be surprised by people's capacity for kindness and generosity, but still, I am. I'm floored every time.
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By that point, it’ll have been more than year since I met Lulu. Any sane person would say it’s too late. It already felt too late that first day, when I woke up in the hospital. But even so, I’ve kept looking. I’m still looking.
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No one is who they pretend to be
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The politeness was painful. I wanted to push through it, to return to the glow of the night of the concert, but I was unsure of how to get back there.
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I think everything is happening all the time, but if you don't put yourself in the path of it, you miss it. When you travel, you put yourself out there. It's not always great. Sometimes it's terrible. But other times ... [...] It's not so bad.
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My first impulse is not to grab her or kiss her or yell at her. I simple want to touch her cheek, still flushed from the night's performance. I want to cut through the space that separates us, measured in feet-not miles, not continents, not years-and to take a callused finger to her face.
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But then Mason touches my neck, to the spot on it where the cut from that night has since healed, and I pull away. He was right, after all it didn't leave a scar, though part of me wishes it had. At least I'd have some evidence, some justification of this permanence. Stains are even worse when you're the only one who can see them.
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Sarcasm creates a chasm between yourself and others.
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But I'd do it again. I know that now. I'd make that promise a thousand times over and lose her a thousand times over to have heard her play last night or to see her in the morning sunlight. Or even without that. Just to know that she's somewhere out there. Alive.
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In the calculus of feelings, you never really know how one person's absence will affect you more than another's.
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Something given, something taken away. Does it always have to work like that?
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I'll be your mess,you be mine That was the deal that we had signed I bought a hazmat suit to clean up your waste Gas masks,gloves,to keep us safe But now i'm alone in an empty room Staring down immaculate doom Messy
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I don't know who I am. Or maybe I do know who I am and I just don't want to be her anymore.
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And that's just it, isn't it? That's how we manage to survive the loss. Because love, it never dies, it never goes away, it never fades, so long as you hang on to it.
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The boogeyman sleeps on your side of the bad Whispers in my ear :Better of Dead Fills my dreams with sirens and lights of regret Kisses me gently when i wake up in a sweat boo!
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All relationships are tough. Just like with music, sometimes you have harmony and other times you have cacophony.
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