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My stomach lurched, an appetizer before the full portion of heartache I had a feeling was going to be served at some point soon.
Gayle Forman
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Gayle Forman
Age: 54
Born: 1970
Born: June 5
Writer
LA
California
Full
Appetizer
Feeling
Appetizers
Point
Heartache
Feelings
Portion
Going
Portions
Served
Stomach
Soon
Lurched
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Sometimes you make choices in life and sometimes choices make you.
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Suddenly, it's all too much. Bryn and the bump watch. Vanessa with my high school yearbook. The idea that nothing's sacred. Everything's fodder. That my life belongs to anyone but me.
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One day she told me that they'd decided that my gender was divvied into two neat piles-Men and Guys. Basically, all the saints of the world: Men. The jerks, the players, the wet T-shirt contest aficionados? They were Guys.
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You forget, time doesn't exist anymore. You gave it to me.
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And I kissed him back so hard, like I was trying to merge our bodies through our lips.
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The line between true self and feigned self is blurred on all sides. Which I think is a rather handy metaphor for falling in love.
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Something special is ending, and you're sad, but you can't be that said because, hey, it was good while it lasted, and there'll be other vacations, other good times.
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In the middle of L.A.'s sunny non-winter, I need to sit in a dark closet to feel right.
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What would you do if you had to choose?
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...the world feels so big when you're out in the wide open. It's like you don't have a place in it when you don't have a home. Your place is right here, I whispered, laying down and hugging her close.
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And something tells me if it matters, maybe it shouldn't be easy.
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Something given, something taken away. Does it always have to work like that?
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My first impulse is not to grab her or kiss her or yell at her. I simple want to touch her cheek, still flushed from the night's performance. I want to cut through the space that separates us, measured in feet-not miles, not continents, not years-and to take a callused finger to her face.
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I am adrenaline slammed into inertia: a fast car stuck in traffic.
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Because if time can be fluid, then maybe something that is just one day can go on indefinitely
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I don't know who I am. Or maybe I do know who I am and I just don't want to be her anymore.
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It's ok if you want to stop fighting.
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She said if she couldn't play, she had nothing left. What about me?
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I’ve been feeling something else. Like I’m about to be sucked into something powerful and painful.
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No one is who they pretend to be
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