Quote

It's a real valley when I talk about veal. And calf roping. People were sensitive about calf roping. Which I think is quite funny.

Gary Gulman

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Gary Gulman
Age: 54
Born: 1970
Born: July 17
Comedian
Stand-Up Comedian
Peabody
Massachusetts
Gary Lewis Gulman
Talk
Funny
Veal
Real
Calf
Think
Calves
Thinking
Valley
People
Valleys
Sensitive
Quite

More quotes by Gary Gulman

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I have 236 movies on my queue and I feel like I should always be watching movies. Like if I wake up in the middle of the night and don't fall directly back to sleep, I'm like, 'I've been up for an hour and a half I could have watched 'Toy Story 3' by now.' In this economy it is a sin not to be watching movies when you have Netflix.
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The definition of the word nerd has changed. It's now any attractive person with a hobby. The loneliness component is no longer included.
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Night to night, doing the clubs is a lot of fun too because you have a lot more freedom and you don't have to worry about swearing or going off the script or going long or going short. If you bomb, only a handful of people see it. On TV, a lot of people see it.
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There's a kiss at the end of the rainbow more precious than a pot of gold.
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I think the biggest challenge I have faced is that I have struggled most of my life with often crippling depression which has sometimes if not keeping me off stage kept me from writing regularly and with any kind of confidence.
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Is it common for people to become a pothead at 40? Asking for myself.
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Maybe a silver lining to growing old is being able to watch Usual Suspects for the first time, again.
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If you are 26 years old and you're waking up under Star Wars sheets... the Force is not with you.
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I always wanted to make strangers and friends and family laugh. I was over ten years younger than my brothers. It was hard to get attention without some kind of gimmick, like athletic stardom or being funny.
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I think of a lot of comedy being watched alone, for some reason. It's surprising to me that people are getting together to watch stand-up comedy.
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I went to Boston College. It's a Catholic college, yeah I had a nickname there: Jew.
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Without my family, I'd be something.
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Would it be ironic if we had to go back to Iraq to rid it of the Al Quaeda that wasn't there before we got there to rid it of Al Queda?
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Ever drive by one of those things on the highway which tells you how fast you're going? I don't even pay attention to them anymore because I found a similar gadget in my dashboard... Some people slow down at those things... I don't slow down. I speed up and set the high score.
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I sometimes throw in a couple of swears just to keep the Christian right off my tail. I wouldn't want to be the tea party's go-to comedian.
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Just saw an orthodox Jewish kid do 3 pull-ups on the scaffolding. Shattering the previous record.
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It was early on when I was really focused and obsessed with doing The Tonight Show and Letterman and stuff like that. Then, I quickly realized that those things don't make or break a career.
Gary Gulman
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Every cookie is a sugar cookie. A cookie without sugar is a cracker.
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Some people hate Jews. Fine, alright it's been done. I mean, that's part of my problem with it. Could you hate somebody new? I'm not giving you any suggestions but the Belgians have had a good run.
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The other thing is that I'm a pretty moody guy, but no one really wants to see a normal-looking guy complain about things or talk about being unhappy. That's hard. Most people are like, 'Well, you have all your hair and you're tall, so why are you unhappy?' That can be limiting.
Gary Gulman