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Rich people are just like us though they now eat their meals off square shaped plates.

Gary Gulman

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Gary Gulman
Age: 54
Born: 1970
Born: July 17
Comedian
Stand-Up Comedian
Peabody
Massachusetts
Gary Lewis Gulman
Shaped
Squares
Meals
Rich
Though
Like
People
Plates
Square

More quotes by Gary Gulman

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I think of a lot of comedy being watched alone, for some reason. It's surprising to me that people are getting together to watch stand-up comedy.
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Ever drive by one of those things on the highway which tells you how fast you're going? I don't even pay attention to them anymore because I found a similar gadget in my dashboard... Some people slow down at those things... I don't slow down. I speed up and set the high score.
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Every cookie is a sugar cookie. A cookie without sugar is a cracker.
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If you are 26 years old and you're waking up under Star Wars sheets... the Force is not with you.
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It was early on when I was really focused and obsessed with doing The Tonight Show and Letterman and stuff like that. Then, I quickly realized that those things don't make or break a career.
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Without my family, I'd be something.
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My brother is a tax guy, and the way I look at it, it's like he's spending his life saving money for rich people. So I think making strangers laugh, at least having a creative component to your profession, is more manageable for me. I can live with that a lot easier.
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Would it be ironic if we had to go back to Iraq to rid it of the Al Quaeda that wasn't there before we got there to rid it of Al Queda?
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Some people hate Jews. Fine, alright it's been done. I mean, that's part of my problem with it. Could you hate somebody new? I'm not giving you any suggestions but the Belgians have had a good run.
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Say what you will about Gypsy women, but they are remarkable assessors of blues guitar talent.
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The other thing is that I'm a pretty moody guy, but no one really wants to see a normal-looking guy complain about things or talk about being unhappy. That's hard. Most people are like, 'Well, you have all your hair and you're tall, so why are you unhappy?' That can be limiting.
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I sometimes throw in a couple of swears just to keep the Christian right off my tail. I wouldn't want to be the tea party's go-to comedian.
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Just saw an orthodox Jewish kid do 3 pull-ups on the scaffolding. Shattering the previous record.
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The definition of the word nerd has changed. It's now any attractive person with a hobby. The loneliness component is no longer included.
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It's a real valley when I talk about veal. And calf roping. People were sensitive about calf roping. Which I think is quite funny.
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I think the biggest challenge I have faced is that I have struggled most of my life with often crippling depression which has sometimes if not keeping me off stage kept me from writing regularly and with any kind of confidence.
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I always wanted to make strangers and friends and family laugh. I was over ten years younger than my brothers. It was hard to get attention without some kind of gimmick, like athletic stardom or being funny.
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With basketball, if a guy is having an off night you still can say he's a good athlete. But with a comedian, you see them in front of the wrong audience - and they can look like complete amateurs. It's remarkable.
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There's a kiss at the end of the rainbow more precious than a pot of gold.
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Is it common for people to become a pothead at 40? Asking for myself.
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