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Every cookie is a sugar cookie. A cookie without sugar is a cracker.

Gary Gulman

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Gary Gulman
Age: 54
Born: 1970
Born: July 17
Comedian
Stand-Up Comedian
Peabody
Massachusetts
Gary Lewis Gulman
Cookies
Sugar
Without
Every
Cracker
Crackers
Cookie

More quotes by Gary Gulman

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Ever drive by one of those things on the highway which tells you how fast you're going? I don't even pay attention to them anymore because I found a similar gadget in my dashboard... Some people slow down at those things... I don't slow down. I speed up and set the high score.
Gary Gulman
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Just saw an orthodox Jewish kid do 3 pull-ups on the scaffolding. Shattering the previous record.
Gary Gulman
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Say what you will about Gypsy women, but they are remarkable assessors of blues guitar talent.
Gary Gulman
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Would it be ironic if we had to go back to Iraq to rid it of the Al Quaeda that wasn't there before we got there to rid it of Al Queda?
Gary Gulman
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It's a real valley when I talk about veal. And calf roping. People were sensitive about calf roping. Which I think is quite funny.
Gary Gulman
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With basketball, if a guy is having an off night you still can say he's a good athlete. But with a comedian, you see them in front of the wrong audience - and they can look like complete amateurs. It's remarkable.
Gary Gulman
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Maybe a silver lining to growing old is being able to watch Usual Suspects for the first time, again.
Gary Gulman
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Is it common for people to become a pothead at 40? Asking for myself.
Gary Gulman
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If you are 26 years old and you're waking up under Star Wars sheets... the Force is not with you.
Gary Gulman
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Rich people are just like us though they now eat their meals off square shaped plates.
Gary Gulman
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Some people hate Jews. Fine, alright it's been done. I mean, that's part of my problem with it. Could you hate somebody new? I'm not giving you any suggestions but the Belgians have had a good run.
Gary Gulman
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It was early on when I was really focused and obsessed with doing The Tonight Show and Letterman and stuff like that. Then, I quickly realized that those things don't make or break a career.
Gary Gulman
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The key is to get it all down on paper before the coffee stops telling you you're talented.
Gary Gulman
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My brother is a tax guy, and the way I look at it, it's like he's spending his life saving money for rich people. So I think making strangers laugh, at least having a creative component to your profession, is more manageable for me. I can live with that a lot easier.
Gary Gulman
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Night to night, doing the clubs is a lot of fun too because you have a lot more freedom and you don't have to worry about swearing or going off the script or going long or going short. If you bomb, only a handful of people see it. On TV, a lot of people see it.
Gary Gulman
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There are certain jokes that indicate how mainstream a comic is. If you're talking about how the side effects of drugs that they advertise on TV are worse than the actual illness they're supposed to prevent, that's like the hackiest joke out there now. If you're still doing that joke, that usually is an indicator of being mainstream, in a bad way.
Gary Gulman
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I have 236 movies on my queue and I feel like I should always be watching movies. Like if I wake up in the middle of the night and don't fall directly back to sleep, I'm like, 'I've been up for an hour and a half I could have watched 'Toy Story 3' by now.' In this economy it is a sin not to be watching movies when you have Netflix.
Gary Gulman
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Without my family, I'd be something.
Gary Gulman
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For the first few years I wrote jokes and performed them word for word and then wrote tags for them and did that word for word and that worked pretty well. Now, I do almost all of my writing on stage and then record and listen for any new things and then I write those down.
Gary Gulman
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There's a kiss at the end of the rainbow more precious than a pot of gold.
Gary Gulman