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This book [Desperate Marriages ] is really a book on how to be a positive change agent in a very, very difficult marriage. I am not promising that all individuals will be responsive to the approach I take, but I do believe that many marriages could be saved... could be healed. That is my hope.

Gary Chapman

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Gary Chapman
Age: 86
Born: 1938
Born: January 10
Author
Radio Personality
Writer
Winston-Salem
North Carolina
Gary Demonte Chapman
Take
Approach
Promising
Many
Positive
Marriages
Believe
Marriage
Healed
Really
Hope
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Individual
Desperate
Difficult
Agents
Change
Individuals
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More quotes by Gary Chapman

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We can choose the attitude that says, I have been wronged. People have hurt me, but with the help of God, I am going to learn how to return good for evil, and I am going to make a difference in this world.
Gary Chapman
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Love doesn't erase the past, but it makes the future different.
Gary Chapman
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The object of love is not getting something you want but doing something for the well-being of the one you love.
Gary Chapman
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Don't be a victim of the urgent. In the long run, much of what seems so pressing right now won't even matter. What you do with your children will matter forever.
Gary Chapman
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My attitude affects my actions. So, if I have a negative attitude about it, then it is going to show up in the way I respond, but if I have a positive attitude, then I start looking for the things I can do that will make my life better and make the lives of people around me better.
Gary Chapman
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I think another [myth] is that some marriages are just hopeless. This is a common thing I hear from people, Well, I just think there are some marriages that are hopeless, Dr. Chapman, don't you agree with that? I say I understand the feeling, but the fact is that there are no marriages that are hopeless.
Gary Chapman
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Love is always freely given. Love cannot be demanded. We can request things of each other, but we must never demand anything. Requests give direction to love, but demands stop the flow of love.
Gary Chapman
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..there is hope. That's the marvelous thing about being human. We can change our future. We need not be enslaved by the experiences of the past. We can learn to love even when we have not received love.
Gary Chapman
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The pattern often has been entrenched since childhood... [abusive people] don't think that there is anything wrong with them because that is the way they were brought up in their family.
Gary Chapman
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Our most basic emotional need is not to fall in love but to be genuinely loved by another, to know a love that grows out of reason and choice, not instinct. I need to be loved by someone who chooses to love me, who sees in me something worth loving.
Gary Chapman
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On the other hand, if I walk in the house, I don't even bother to find her, I just walk in the den and flip on the TV, get myself something to drink, sit down, start unwinding, I have influenced my wife in a very negative way.
Gary Chapman
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Good marriages are built upon a combination of emotional love and a common commitment to a core of beliefs about what is important in life and what we wish to do with our lives. Speaking each other's primary love language creates the emotional climate where these beliefs can be fleshed out in daily life.
Gary Chapman
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I cannot change others, but I can influence others... we can't change people, but we can and we do influence people, and we do it every single day.
Gary Chapman
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All of us blossom when we feel loved and wither when we do not feel loved.
Gary Chapman
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If you grew up in a dysfunctional family, then there is really no hope for you to have a good relationship. That is another myth that we have to throw off, so that we can get into what I call Reality.
Gary Chapman
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Remember that your ultimate goal is for your children to grow up secure in your love, strong in their faith, and with sound character.
Gary Chapman
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Much of the misbehavior of children is motivated by the cravings of an empty LOVE TANK.
Gary Chapman
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I think one of the other myths is that your environment determines your happiness. That if you are living with an alcoholic or living with a depressed spouse for a long time, you are just going to be unhappy.
Gary Chapman
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We all desperately need love. If a spouse in a difficult marriage will learn the love language of that spouse, and they will, with the help of God, consistently speak their love language no matter how they are treated.
Gary Chapman
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We can certainly see contemporary examples of people who radically change. As long you believe your spouse will never change and you keep telling yourself that, then you live with no hope. But if you understand that that's a myth, then you open up the door to hope.
Gary Chapman