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The pattern often has been entrenched since childhood... [abusive people] don't think that there is anything wrong with them because that is the way they were brought up in their family.
Gary Chapman
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Gary Chapman
Age: 86
Born: 1938
Born: January 10
Author
Radio Personality
Writer
Winston-Salem
North Carolina
Gary Demonte Chapman
Family
Entrenched
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Abusive
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Way
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Thinking
Childhood
People
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More quotes by Gary Chapman
When I admit my own imperfections, it doesn't mean I am a bad person.
Gary Chapman
We fail to reckon with the reality of human nature. By nature,we are egocentric. Our world revolves around us. None of us is totally altruistic.
Gary Chapman
In a difficult marriage, both of us have failed each other. Even though one may be the major problem,you also have failed often in the way you have responded to them, the way you have treated them, in the way you have handled your hurt and your pain.
Gary Chapman
On the other hand, if I walk in the house, I don't even bother to find her, I just walk in the den and flip on the TV, get myself something to drink, sit down, start unwinding, I have influenced my wife in a very negative way.
Gary Chapman
My attitude affects my actions. So, if I have a negative attitude about it, then it is going to show up in the way I respond, but if I have a positive attitude, then I start looking for the things I can do that will make my life better and make the lives of people around me better.
Gary Chapman
At the heart of mankind's existence is the desire to be intimate and to be loved by another. Marriage is designed to meet that need for intimacy and love.
Gary Chapman
..there is hope. That's the marvelous thing about being human. We can change our future. We need not be enslaved by the experiences of the past. We can learn to love even when we have not received love.
Gary Chapman
The getting out part [of advise] may well be true. Because if you have tried the tender love thing... typically the abuser is not going to change until they are pushed in a corner.
Gary Chapman
The one who chooses to love will find appropriate ways to express that decision everyday.
Gary Chapman
You cannot force someone to accept an expression of love. You can only offer it. If it is not accepted, you must respect the other person's decision.
Gary Chapman
Love is the most powerful weapon in the world for good. I really believe that.
Gary Chapman
One [reality] is that I am responsible for my attitude. I can be in prison, and I happen to get a chance to go outside. I can look at the mud, or I can look at the stars. I am the one who decides which way to look. That is true for every one of us.
Gary Chapman
I think another [myth] is that some marriages are just hopeless. This is a common thing I hear from people, Well, I just think there are some marriages that are hopeless, Dr. Chapman, don't you agree with that? I say I understand the feeling, but the fact is that there are no marriages that are hopeless.
Gary Chapman
We can certainly see contemporary examples of people who radically change. As long you believe your spouse will never change and you keep telling yourself that, then you live with no hope. But if you understand that that's a myth, then you open up the door to hope.
Gary Chapman
Nobody has the power to make you miserable . . . unless you choose to give them that power. Choose to enjoy every drop of today!
Gary Chapman
Real love - This kind of love is emotional in nature but not obsessional. It is a love that unites reason and emotion. It involves an act of the will and requires discipline, and it recognizes the need for personal growth.
Gary Chapman
People tend to criticize their spouse most loudly in the area where they themselves have the deepest emotional need.
Gary Chapman
Our spouse will usually interpret our message based on our tone of voice, not the words we use.
Gary Chapman
When people respond too quickly, they often respond to the wrong issue. Listening helps us focus on the heart of the conflict. When we listen, understand, and respect each other's ideas, we can then find a solution in which both of us are winners.
Gary Chapman
I wrote this book [ Desperate Marriages] because of my own marriage. My wife and I struggled greatly in the early years of marriage. In spite of the fact that we were Christians before we got married, we prayed about getting married, we believed it was God's will for us to get married, and we still had great struggles.
Gary Chapman
