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The pattern often has been entrenched since childhood... [abusive people] don't think that there is anything wrong with them because that is the way they were brought up in their family.

Gary Chapman

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Gary Chapman
Age: 86
Born: 1938
Born: January 10
Author
Radio Personality
Writer
Winston-Salem
North Carolina
Gary Demonte Chapman
Think
Brought
Thinking
Childhood
People
Since
Wrong
Family
Entrenched
Often
Abusive
Anything
Pattern
Way
Patterns

More quotes by Gary Chapman

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We all desperately need love. If a spouse in a difficult marriage will learn the love language of that spouse, and they will, with the help of God, consistently speak their love language no matter how they are treated.
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Sex is the joining of two bodies love is the joining of two souls.
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At the heart of mankind's existence is the desire to be intimate and to be loved by another. Marriage is designed to meet that need for intimacy and love.
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Isolation is devastating to the human psyche.
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Most people spend far more time in preparation for their vocation than they do in preparation for marriage.
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I think another [myth] is that some marriages are just hopeless. This is a common thing I hear from people, Well, I just think there are some marriages that are hopeless, Dr. Chapman, don't you agree with that? I say I understand the feeling, but the fact is that there are no marriages that are hopeless.
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Nobody has the power to make you miserable . . . unless you choose to give them that power. Choose to enjoy every drop of today!
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The getting out part [of advise] may well be true. Because if you have tried the tender love thing... typically the abuser is not going to change until they are pushed in a corner.
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People do not get married planning to divorce. Divorce is the result of a lack of preparation for marriage and the failure to learn the skills of working together as teammates in an intimate relationship.
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Ask yourself: Does the action I am considering have any potential for dealing with the wrong and helping the relationship? And is it best for the person at whom I am angry? The two most constructive options are either to confront the person in a helpful way, or to consciously decide to overlook the matter.
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I think one of the other myths is that your environment determines your happiness. That if you are living with an alcoholic or living with a depressed spouse for a long time, you are just going to be unhappy.
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I cannot change others, but I can influence others... we can't change people, but we can and we do influence people, and we do it every single day.
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We cannot erase the past, but we can accept it as history.
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In a difficult marriage, both of us have failed each other. Even though one may be the major problem,you also have failed often in the way you have responded to them, the way you have treated them, in the way you have handled your hurt and your pain.
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The one who chooses to love will find appropriate ways to express that decision everyday.
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When I admit my own imperfections, it doesn't mean I am a bad person.
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Love can be expressed and received in all five languages. However, if you don't speak a person's primary love language, that person will not feel loved, even though you may be speaking the other four. Once you are speaking his or her primary love language fluently, then you can sprinkle in the other four and they will be like icing on the cake.
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Requests give direction to love, but demands stop the flow of love.
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Our spouse will usually interpret our message based on our tone of voice, not the words we use.
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Love is the most powerful weapon in the world for good. I really believe that.
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