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To Norwegians, the polka is a form of martial art.

Garrison Keillor

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Garrison Keillor
Age: 82
Born: 1942
Born: August 7
Author
Comedian
Humorist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Singer
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Anoka
Minnesota
Gary Edward Keillor
Form
Polka
Norwegians
Martial
Art

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This is the big reason most humorists fail. Drunks don't read books.
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Marrying for sex is like flying to London for the free peanuts and pretzels. It's not the point of the thing, is it?
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Sport is a seductive metaphor (life as a game in which we gain victory through hard work, discipline, and visualizing success). but the older metaphor of farming (life as hard labor that is subject to weather and quirks of blind fate and may return no reward whatsoever and don't be surprised) is still in our blood.
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It was luxuries like air conditioning that brought down the Roman Empire. With air conditioning their windows were shut, they couldn't hear the barbarians coming.
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Secret of life is to go through something harrowing that doesnt kill you...and to love one woman for the rest of your life.
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There was a price to be paid for being interested in fiction and in writing, pushing my family away. Books and authors became my family.
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It's a shallow life that doesn't give a person a few scars.
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..people (in Minnesota) avoid stupidity when possible, not wanting to be a $10 haircut on a 50 cent head.
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The problem with paradise is that it's temporary: You don't belong here and the neighbors are nobody you care to know, so it's only blissful for a week or so.
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Don't pour the oil directly into my navel, pour it on my sternum and let it run down into my navel, you ignorant peasant.
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English is the perfect language for preachers because it allows you to talk until you think of what to say.
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God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny.
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Humor needs to come in under cover of darkness, in disguise, and surprise people.
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I hiked around town, the air sweet and dry, and was sort of overwhelmed by the perfection of it -- the old courthouse, the train depot, Mount [Jumbo] and Mount Sentinel rising up, the neon bars, the funky festivity of a college town .
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Humor is not about problems with airline luggage handlers. It's about our lives in America and it's about the ends of our lives and it's about everything that happens after that and everything that happened before.
Garrison Keillor
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Most men are prisoners at best, Who some strong habit every drag about Like chain and ball.
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I was brought up imagining that cream rises to the top, merit wins out, the race is to the swift and riches to men of understanding, but it ain't necessarily so. The swift stand a better chance if they are also beautiful.
Garrison Keillor
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Being an English major prepares you for impersonating authority.
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Easter is so disappointing. You suffer all the way through lent, and what do you get for it? A ham.
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The socially redeeming aspect of golf lies in the vast number of lawyers and bankers and managers who play it, and when you think of the damage they would do if they were at the job instead, you can see why golf courses are a wise investment for any municipality.
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