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To Norwegians, the polka is a form of martial art.

Garrison Keillor

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Garrison Keillor
Age: 82
Born: 1942
Born: August 7
Author
Comedian
Humorist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Singer
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Anoka
Minnesota
Gary Edward Keillor
Norwegians
Martial
Art
Form
Polka

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Scripture doesn't promise that God will remove temptation, only that you'll be given strength to withstand it.
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A child can educate just about anybody.
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The mass of men lead lives of shallow happiness the superior man exults in his gloom.
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Don't pour the oil directly into my navel, pour it on my sternum and let it run down into my navel, you ignorant peasant.
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Enough. Man is capable of reform once presented with the facts, and the fact is that bottling water and shipping it is a big waste of fuel, so stop already.
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That's what I am, Frank thought, an ordinary genius. He had unlocked the secret of radio. The sport of the ordinary! Brillliant me like Reed Seymour couldn't figure this out for the life of them! Reed was ashamed of radio. ...radio was a cinch if you kept reaching down and grabbing up handfuls of the ordinary.
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..people (in Minnesota) avoid stupidity when possible, not wanting to be a $10 haircut on a 50 cent head.
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They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
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I think if the church put in half the time on covetousness that it does on lust, this would be a better world for all of us.
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Liberalism is dead, so dead that Democrats have all become moderate Republicans, and the heavy hand of Big Government is now limp and damp and trembly.
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I loved feeling special. I hated feeling special.
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Have interesting failures.... If you need to have a personal crisis have it now. Don't wait until midlife, when it will take longer to resolve.... Don't pity yourselves. Lighten up. Seek people with a sense of humor. Avoid humorless people-and do not marry one, for God's sake.
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We thank you [the soldiers recently returned from the middle east] for your service.
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Your car, comfort though it be, this little den and dining room on wheels, is a prison that deadens your senses, and to feel wholly alive you must go for a walk.
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March is the month God created to show people who don't drink what a hangover is like.
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Childhood is the small town everyone came from.
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Being an English major prepares you for impersonating authority.
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Dogs don't lie and why should I? Strangers come they growl and bark, they know their loved ones in the dark, Now let me, by night or day, Be just as full of truth as they.
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My ancestors were Puritans from England. They arrived here in 1648 in the hope of finding greater restrictions than were permissible under English law at that time.
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In the end, all solutions are temporary.
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