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Honesty is a rare commodity in a palace, and that is why so many fairy-tale marriages end up on the rocks.

Garrison Keillor

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Garrison Keillor
Age: 82
Born: 1942
Born: August 7
Author
Comedian
Humorist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Singer
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Anoka
Minnesota
Gary Edward Keillor
Many
Tale
Commodity
Rare
Fairy
Tales
Honesty
Palace
Rocks
Marriages
Ends
Palaces

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One reads books in order to gain the privilege of living more than one life. People who don't read are trapped in a mine shaft, even if they think the sun is shining.
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Sport is a seductive metaphor (life as a game in which we gain victory through hard work, discipline, and visualizing success). but the older metaphor of farming (life as hard labor that is subject to weather and quirks of blind fate and may return no reward whatsoever and don't be surprised) is still in our blood.
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English is the perfect language for preachers because it allows you to talk until you think of what to say.
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When you wage war on the public schools, you're attacking the mortar that holds the community together. You're not a conservative, you're a vandal.
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The great unrequited love tears open your heart to the beauty of the world, its small rivers and upland meadows. It also makes you kinder to the next hundred thousand persons who cross your path.
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Humor has to surprise us otherwise, it isn't funny. It's a death knell for a writer to be labeled a humorist because then it's not a surprise anymore.
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It is a sin to believe evil of others but it is seldom a mistake.
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I write on a laptop, so it's impossible to count drafts anymore.
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Humor needs to come in under cover of darkness, in disguise, and surprise people.
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Being an English major prepares you for impersonating authority.
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March is the month God created to show people who don't drink what a hangover is like.
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Some luck lies in not getting what you thought you wanted but getting what you have, which once you have got it you may be smart enough to see is what you would have wanted had you known.
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A book is a gift you can open again and again.
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Liberalism is dead, so dead that Democrats have all become moderate Republicans, and the heavy hand of Big Government is now limp and damp and trembly.
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Minnesota is a state of public-spirited and polite people, where you can get a good cappucino and eat Thai food and find any book you want and yet live on a quiet tree-lined street with a backyard and send your kids to public school. When a state this good hits the jackpot, it can only be an inspiration to everybody.
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Marrying for sex is like flying to London for the free peanuts and pretzels. It's not the point of the thing, is it?
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A girl in a bikini is like having a loaded pistol on your coffee table - There's nothing wrong with them, but it's hard to stop thinking about it.
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Thank you, God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love it enough.
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When the country goes temporarily to the dogs, cats must learn to be circumspect, walk on fences, sleep in trees, and have faith that all this woofing is not the last word.
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In the end, all solutions are temporary.
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