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Marrying for sex is like flying to London for the free peanuts and pretzels. It's not the point of the thing, is it?

Garrison Keillor

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Garrison Keillor
Age: 82
Born: 1942
Born: August 7
Author
Comedian
Humorist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Singer
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Anoka
Minnesota
Gary Edward Keillor
Free
Thing
Pretzels
Like
Peanuts
Marrying
Flying
London
Sex
Point

More quotes by Garrison Keillor

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Jesus said the meek would inherit the earth, but so far all we've gotten is Minnesota and North Dakota.
Garrison Keillor
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To your left is the marina where several senior cabinet officials keep luxury yachts for weekend cruises on the Potomac. Some of these ships are up to 100 feet in length the Presidential yacht is over 200 feet in length, and can remain submerged for up to 3 weeks.
Garrison Keillor
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Those people on daytime TV talking about how their parents never gave them the positive feedback they needed and that's why they shot them- those are not Minnesotans.
Garrison Keillor
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Second violins can play a concerto perfectly if they're in their own home and nobody's there.
Garrison Keillor
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As for kissing on the first date, you should never date someone whom you would not wish to kiss immediately.
Garrison Keillor
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Before the world was made, when it was only darkness and mist and waters, God was well aware of Lake Wobegon, my family, our house, and He had me all sketched out down to what size my feet would be (big), which bike I would ride (Schwinn), and the five ears of corn I'd eat for supper that night.
Garrison Keillor
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I think if the church put in half the time on covetousness that it does on lust, this would be a better world for all of us.
Garrison Keillor
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One reads books in order to gain the privilege of living more than one life. People who don't read are trapped in a mine shaft, even if they think the sun is shining.
Garrison Keillor
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IMPORTANT Book reading is a solitary and sedentary pursuit, and those who do are cautioned that a book should be used as an integral part of a well-rounded life, including a daily regimen of rigorous physical exercise, rewarding personal relationships, and sensible low-fat diet. A book should not be used a as a substitute or an excuse.
Garrison Keillor
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One day Donald Trump will discover that he is owned by Lutheran Brotherhood and must re negotiate his debt load with a committee of silent Norwegians who dont understand why anyone would pay more than $120.00 for a suit.
Garrison Keillor
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Your car, comfort though it be, this little den and dining room on wheels, is a prison that deadens your senses, and to feel wholly alive you must go for a walk.
Garrison Keillor
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To Norwegians, the polka is a form of martial art.
Garrison Keillor
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The majority of people who keel over dead at concerts are killed by a long trumpet passage.
Garrison Keillor
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I think that you are only obliged to be a humorist from the age of 18 until you turn 30. Past the age of 30 I don't think there is any obligation to be clever at all.
Garrison Keillor
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This is the big reason most humorists fail. Drunks don't read books.
Garrison Keillor
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Sport is a seductive metaphor (life as a game in which we gain victory through hard work, discipline, and visualizing success). but the older metaphor of farming (life as hard labor that is subject to weather and quirks of blind fate and may return no reward whatsoever and don't be surprised) is still in our blood.
Garrison Keillor
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..people (in Minnesota) avoid stupidity when possible, not wanting to be a $10 haircut on a 50 cent head.
Garrison Keillor
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Sometimes there is nothing you can do, and in those times, you must do something anyway.
Garrison Keillor
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Eating a little was like vomiting a little, just as bad as a lot.
Garrison Keillor
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To choose Norm Coleman over Walter Mondale is like going to a great steakhouse and ordering the tuna sandwich.
Garrison Keillor