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We all know you can get AIDS from sex, but did you know that you can get sex from aides?

Garrison Keillor

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Garrison Keillor
Age: 82
Born: 1942
Born: August 7
Author
Comedian
Humorist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Singer
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Anoka
Minnesota
Gary Edward Keillor
Aides
Aids
Sex

More quotes by Garrison Keillor

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Ha! Easy for nuns to talk about giving up things. That's what they do for a living.
Garrison Keillor
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Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.
Garrison Keillor
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I have taken so many wrong turns and been so careless with precious things and managed to lose, or break, or leave out in the rain so much that I loved.
Garrison Keillor
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The problem with paradise is that it's temporary: You don't belong here and the neighbors are nobody you care to know, so it's only blissful for a week or so.
Garrison Keillor
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She gave him such a look... Man oh man, if looks could kill. That one might have totalled a city block.
Garrison Keillor
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Jesus said the meek would inherit the earth, but so far all we've gotten is Minnesota and North Dakota.
Garrison Keillor
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I hear a little firecracker go off when you come up with a good rhyme.
Garrison Keillor
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The reason to retire is to try to avoid embarrassment you ought to do it before people are dropping big hints. You want to be the first to come up with the idea. You don't want to wait until you trip and fall off the stage.
Garrison Keillor
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Freedom doesn't mean aimlessness. We can't just sleepwalk through life.... Freedom demands structure.
Garrison Keillor
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Humor, a good sense of it, is to Americans what manhood is to Spaniards, and we will go to great lengths to prove it. Experiments with laboratory rats have shown that, if one psychologist in the room laughs at something a rat does, all of the other psychologists will laugh equally. Nobody wants to be left holding the joke.
Garrison Keillor
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I've seen the truth, and it makes no sense.
Garrison Keillor
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As a former English major, I am a sitting duck for Gift Books, and in the past few years I've gotten Dickens, Thackeray, Smollet, Richardson, Emerson, Keats, Boswell and the Brontes, all of them Great, none of them ever read by me, all of them now on a shelf, looking at me and making me feel guilty.
Garrison Keillor
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A cruise ship is a floating town of lazy people.
Garrison Keillor
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I love rhymes I love to write a poem about New York and rhyme 'oysters' with 'The Cloisters.' And 'The lady from Knoxville who bought her brassieres by the boxful.' I just feel a sort of small triumph.
Garrison Keillor
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Humor is not a trick, not jokes. Humor is a presence in the world - like grace - and shines on everybody.
Garrison Keillor
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It's confidence it has to be something good about getting old. One of the things is that you just don't stress about some stuff that made you so worried.
Garrison Keillor
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Some people have a love of their fellow man in their hearts, and others require a light anesthetic.
Garrison Keillor
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Dogs don't lie and why should I? Strangers come they growl and bark, they know their loved ones in the dark, Now let me, by night or day, Be just as full of truth as they.
Garrison Keillor
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Your car, comfort though it be, this little den and dining room on wheels, is a prison that deadens your senses, and to feel wholly alive you must go for a walk.
Garrison Keillor
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To choose Norm Coleman over Walter Mondale is like going to a great steakhouse and ordering the tuna sandwich.
Garrison Keillor