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That's why God created marriage, so people wouldn't have to fight with strangers.

Garrison Keillor

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Garrison Keillor
Age: 82
Born: 1942
Born: August 7
Author
Comedian
Humorist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Singer
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Anoka
Minnesota
Gary Edward Keillor
Marriage
Wouldn
Fight
Fighting
People
Strangers
Stranger
Created

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I talk in subjects and verbs, and sort of wind around in concentric circles until I get far enough away from the beginning so that I can call it the end, and it ends.
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Sport is a seductive metaphor (life as a game in which we gain victory through hard work, discipline, and visualizing success). but the older metaphor of farming (life as hard labor that is subject to weather and quirks of blind fate and may return no reward whatsoever and don't be surprised) is still in our blood.
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Some of us have a relentless urge to attempt what we can never be good at and neglect our true calling.
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In Lake Wobegon, we don't forget mistakes.
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I've seen the truth, and it makes no sense.
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You don't have to justify a beautiful stroke of good luck. Accept it. Smile and say thank you.
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I think if the church put in half the time on covetousness that it does on lust, this would be a better world for all of us.
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The great unrequited love tears open your heart to the beauty of the world, its small rivers and upland meadows. It also makes you kinder to the next hundred thousand persons who cross your path.
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The majority of people who keel over dead at concerts are killed by a long trumpet passage.
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Thank you, God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love it enough.
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Sex is not a mechanical act that fails for lack of technique, and it is not a performance by the male for the audience of the female it is a continuum of attraction that extends from the simplest conversation and the most innocent touching through the act of coitus.
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I want to resume the life of a shy person.
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Every show is your last show. That's my philosophy.
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When the country goes temporarily to the dogs, cats must learn to be circumspect, walk on fences, sleep in trees, and have faith that all this woofing is not the last word.
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It is a sin to believe evil of others but it is seldom a mistake.
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We thank you [the soldiers recently returned from the middle east] for your service.
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The reason to retire is to try to avoid embarrassment you ought to do it before people are dropping big hints. You want to be the first to come up with the idea. You don't want to wait until you trip and fall off the stage.
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Humor, a good sense of it, is to Americans what manhood is to Spaniards, and we will go to great lengths to prove it. Experiments with laboratory rats have shown that, if one psychologist in the room laughs at something a rat does, all of the other psychologists will laugh equally. Nobody wants to be left holding the joke.
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You now have learned enough to see That Cats are much like you and me And other people whom we find Possessed of various types of mind. For some are sane and some are mad And some are good and some are bad And some are better, some are worse — But all may be described in verse.
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When you wage war on the public schools, you're attacking the mortar that holds the community together. You're not a conservative, you're a vandal.
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