Quote

Don't pour the oil directly into my navel, pour it on my sternum and let it run down into my navel, you ignorant peasant.

Garrison Keillor

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Garrison Keillor
Age: 82
Born: 1942
Born: August 7
Author
Comedian
Humorist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Singer
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Anoka
Minnesota
Gary Edward Keillor
Running
Navel
Peasant
Peasants
Pour
Oil
Directly
Ignorant

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Sometimes you have to avoid mentioning things because people's feelings are tender.
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Pumpkin pie is a living symbol of mediocrity. The best pumpkin pie you ever ate wasn't all that much different from the worst pumpkin pie you ever ate.
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Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.
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There was a price to be paid for being interested in fiction and in writing, pushing my family away. Books and authors became my family.
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I think if the church put in half the time on covetousness that it does on lust, this would be a better world for all of us.
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Eating a little was like vomiting a little, just as bad as a lot.
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Second violins can play a concerto perfectly if they're in their own home and nobody's there.
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The great unrequited love tears open your heart to the beauty of the world, its small rivers and upland meadows. It also makes you kinder to the next hundred thousand persons who cross your path.
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In the end, all solutions are temporary.
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Nothing you do for children is ever wasted. They seem not to notice us, hovering, averting our eyes, and they seldom offer thanks, but what we do for them is never wasted.
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People in cars cause accidents and accidents in cars cause people.
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To choose Norm Coleman over Walter Mondale is like going to a great steakhouse and ordering the tuna sandwich.
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Sex is not a mechanical act that fails for lack of technique, and it is not a performance by the male for the audience of the female it is a continuum of attraction that extends from the simplest conversation and the most innocent touching through the act of coitus.
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I was brought up imagining that cream rises to the top, merit wins out, the race is to the swift and riches to men of understanding, but it ain't necessarily so. The swift stand a better chance if they are also beautiful.
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Enough. Man is capable of reform once presented with the facts, and the fact is that bottling water and shipping it is a big waste of fuel, so stop already.
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Easter is so disappointing. You suffer all the way through lent, and what do you get for it? A ham.
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In romance, as in life, you only learn when you're losing.
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Humor is not a trick, not jokes. Humor is a presence in the world - like grace - and shines on everybody.
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We thank you [the soldiers recently returned from the middle east] for your service.
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We all know you can get AIDS from sex, but did you know that you can get sex from aides?
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