Quote

Don't pour the oil directly into my navel, pour it on my sternum and let it run down into my navel, you ignorant peasant.

Garrison Keillor

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Garrison Keillor
Age: 82
Born: 1942
Born: August 7
Author
Comedian
Humorist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Singer
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Anoka
Minnesota
Gary Edward Keillor
Directly
Ignorant
Running
Navel
Peasant
Peasants
Pour
Oil

More quotes by Garrison Keillor

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The highlight of my childhood was making my brother laugh so hard that food came out of his nose.
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The greatness of America is that it produces exuberant geniuses like Louis Armstrong and Fred Astaire and Leonard Bernstein. We are meant to be a jazzy people who talk big and jump on the table and dance we aren't supposed to be dopey and glum and brood over old injuries.
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The mass of men lead lives of shallow happiness the superior man exults in his gloom.
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Some luck lies in not getting what you thought you wanted but getting what you have, which once you have got it you may be smart enough to see is what you would have wanted had you known.
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If you lived today as if it were your last, you'd buy up a box of rockets and fire them all off, wouldn't you?
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It is a sin to believe evil of others but it is seldom a mistake.
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Every show is your last show. That's my philosophy.
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Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.
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In romance, as in life, you only learn when you're losing.
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Childhood is the small town everyone came from.
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People always are encouraging about a terrible loss, so that sometimes the loser would like to strangle them.
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Even in a time of elephantine vanity and greed, one never has to look far to see the campfires of gentle people.
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This is the big reason most humorists fail. Drunks don't read books.
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Humor, a good sense of it, is to Americans what manhood is to Spaniards, and we will go to great lengths to prove it. Experiments with laboratory rats have shown that, if one psychologist in the room laughs at something a rat does, all of the other psychologists will laugh equally. Nobody wants to be left holding the joke.
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I talk in subjects and verbs, and sort of wind around in concentric circles until I get far enough away from the beginning so that I can call it the end, and it ends.
Garrison Keillor
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In Lake Wobegon, we don't forget mistakes.
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Writing is the main gig and teaching and performing are sidelines, an excuse for not writing more. Working on a novel and on an opera make me seriously want to retire and find a volunteer job as a docent at the zoo explaining to schoolchildren where frogs go in the winter.
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Scripture doesn't promise that God will remove temptation, only that you'll be given strength to withstand it.
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Spending time in a church does not make you religious, any more than spending time in a garage makes you a car.
Garrison Keillor
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The reason to retire is to try to avoid embarrassment you ought to do it before people are dropping big hints. You want to be the first to come up with the idea. You don't want to wait until you trip and fall off the stage.
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