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Sometimes you have to avoid mentioning things because people's feelings are tender.
Garrison Keillor
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Garrison Keillor
Age: 82
Born: 1942
Born: August 7
Author
Comedian
Humorist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Singer
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Anoka
Minnesota
Gary Edward Keillor
People
Mentioning
Tender
Avoid
Feelings
Sometimes
Things
More quotes by Garrison Keillor
In romance, as in life, you only learn when you're losing.
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I loved feeling special. I hated feeling special.
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When you wage war on the public schools, you're attacking the mortar that holds the community together. You're not a conservative, you're a vandal.
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Don't pour the oil directly into my navel, pour it on my sternum and let it run down into my navel, you ignorant peasant.
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I like to sing and it's just really fun to sing, and I don't get too much. And at my house I'm not allowed to because, you know, your children can't stand it when you sing at home.
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Before the world was made, when it was only darkness and mist and waters, God was well aware of Lake Wobegon, my family, our house, and He had me all sketched out down to what size my feet would be (big), which bike I would ride (Schwinn), and the five ears of corn I'd eat for supper that night.
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I usually don't work with other people I do the whole show myself.
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Most men are prisoners at best, Who some strong habit every drag about Like chain and ball.
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Humor, a good sense of it, is to Americans what manhood is to Spaniards, and we will go to great lengths to prove it. Experiments with laboratory rats have shown that, if one psychologist in the room laughs at something a rat does, all of the other psychologists will laugh equally. Nobody wants to be left holding the joke.
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People always are encouraging about a terrible loss, so that sometimes the loser would like to strangle them.
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I've seen the truth, and it makes no sense.
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Humor has to surprise us otherwise, it isn't funny. It's a death knell for a writer to be labeled a humorist because then it's not a surprise anymore.
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Easter is so disappointing. You suffer all the way through lent, and what do you get for it? A ham.
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A girl in a bikini is like having a loaded pistol on your coffee table - There's nothing wrong with them, but it's hard to stop thinking about it.
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March is the month God created to show people who don't drink what a hangover is like.
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Years ago, manhood was an opportunity for achievement, and now it is a problem to be overcome.
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Your car, comfort though it be, this little den and dining room on wheels, is a prison that deadens your senses, and to feel wholly alive you must go for a walk.
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If you can't trust a Methodist with absolute power to arrest people and not have to say why, then whom can you trust?
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This is the big reason most humorists fail. Drunks don't read books.
Garrison Keillor
We thank you [the soldiers recently returned from the middle east] for your service.
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