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The majority of people who keel over dead at concerts are killed by a long trumpet passage.
Garrison Keillor
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Garrison Keillor
Age: 82
Born: 1942
Born: August 7
Author
Comedian
Humorist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Singer
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Anoka
Minnesota
Gary Edward Keillor
Majority
Dead
Keel
Music
Trumpet
Long
Trumpets
People
Passage
Passages
Concerts
Killed
More quotes by Garrison Keillor
I think that you are only obliged to be a humorist from the age of 18 until you turn 30. Past the age of 30 I don't think there is any obligation to be clever at all.
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You don't have to justify a beautiful stroke of good luck. Accept it. Smile and say thank you.
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It's confidence it has to be something good about getting old. One of the things is that you just don't stress about some stuff that made you so worried.
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Eating a little was like vomiting a little, just as bad as a lot.
Garrison Keillor
In romance, as in life, you only learn when you're losing.
Garrison Keillor
We all know you can get AIDS from sex, but did you know that you can get sex from aides?
Garrison Keillor
Humor needs to come in under cover of darkness, in disguise, and surprise people.
Garrison Keillor
Possessing the ideal makes a person nervous: you sense the inevitable decline just ahead.
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I want to resume the life of a shy person.
Garrison Keillor
I think there's a lot of power in listening to one person talking to you. And this should never be underestimated.One person sitting and talking to you and, you're pulled in, in ways that technology and art and all cannot.
Garrison Keillor
...opening up a newspaper is the key to looking classy and smart. Never mind the bronze-plated stuff about the role of the press in a democracy - a newspaper, kiddo, is about Style.
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Face it: a nation that maintains a 72% approval rating on George W. Bush is a nation with a very loose grip on reality.
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One day Donald Trump will discover that he is owned by Lutheran Brotherhood and must re negotiate his debt load with a committee of silent Norwegians who dont understand why anyone would pay more than $120.00 for a suit.
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... I never was one to get upset about a few scratches on a motor vehicle, it is meant to be used, not saved.
Garrison Keillor
Being rich and thin isn't everything.
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They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
Garrison Keillor
I don't associate work with feelings of satisfaction. Rather, guilt, frustration, and resentment of people who write better than I do.
Garrison Keillor
You get old and you realize there are no answers, just stories.
Garrison Keillor
There was a price to be paid for being interested in fiction and in writing, pushing my family away. Books and authors became my family.
Garrison Keillor
She gave him such a look... Man oh man, if looks could kill. That one might have totalled a city block.
Garrison Keillor
