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... I never was one to get upset about a few scratches on a motor vehicle, it is meant to be used, not saved.
Garrison Keillor
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Garrison Keillor
Age: 82
Born: 1942
Born: August 7
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Comedian
Humorist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Singer
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Anoka
Minnesota
Gary Edward Keillor
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More quotes by Garrison Keillor
I remember when I switched from Christmas to sex as the secret of happiness.
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In the end, all solutions are temporary.
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Roy Blount's stuff makes me laugh so hard, sometimes I have to go sit in a room and shut the door
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I think if the church put in half the time on covetousness that it does on lust, this would be a better world for all of us.
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People always are encouraging about a terrible loss, so that sometimes the loser would like to strangle them.
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This is the big reason most humorists fail. Drunks don't read books.
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... and people are to march around the church to commemorate the event, Palm Sunday, when Jesus rode into Jerusalem and was greeted with applause and with palms. People thought he had come to overthrow the Romans, but ... no ... he had come to change THEM ... and that led to things turning bad.
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English is the perfect language for preachers because it allows you to talk until you think of what to say.
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Your car, comfort though it be, this little den and dining room on wheels, is a prison that deadens your senses, and to feel wholly alive you must go for a walk.
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Men peak at age nineteen and go downhill.
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Marrying for sex is like flying to London for the free peanuts and pretzels. It's not the point of the thing, is it?
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Eating a little was like vomiting a little, just as bad as a lot.
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Children can find other children to be pals. Children need fathers to be fathers.
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Don't pour the oil directly into my navel, pour it on my sternum and let it run down into my navel, you ignorant peasant.
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God plays a lot of jokes on us to get our attention.
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I want to resume the life of a shy person.
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A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.
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Humor is not a trick, not jokes. Humor is a presence in the world - like grace - and shines on everybody.
Garrison Keillor
I talk in subjects and verbs, and sort of wind around in concentric circles until I get far enough away from the beginning so that I can call it the end, and it ends.
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I was brought up imagining that cream rises to the top, merit wins out, the race is to the swift and riches to men of understanding, but it ain't necessarily so. The swift stand a better chance if they are also beautiful.
Garrison Keillor
