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I remember when I switched from Christmas to sex as the secret of happiness.

Garrison Keillor

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Garrison Keillor
Age: 82
Born: 1942
Born: August 7
Author
Comedian
Humorist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Singer
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Anoka
Minnesota
Gary Edward Keillor
Switched
Christmas
Sex
Secret
Happiness
Remember

More quotes by Garrison Keillor

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People always are encouraging about a terrible loss, so that sometimes the loser would like to strangle them.
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March is the month God created to show people who don't drink what a hangover is like.
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Humor, a good sense of it, is to Americans what manhood is to Spaniards, and we will go to great lengths to prove it. Experiments with laboratory rats have shown that, if one psychologist in the room laughs at something a rat does, all of the other psychologists will laugh equally. Nobody wants to be left holding the joke.
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A minister has to be able to read a clock. At noon, it's time to go home and turn up the pot roast and get the peas out of the freezer.
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I think if the church put in half the time on covetousness that it does on lust, this would be a better world for all of us.
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You now have learned enough to see That Cats are much like you and me And other people whom we find Possessed of various types of mind. For some are sane and some are mad And some are good and some are bad And some are better, some are worse — But all may be described in verse.
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As for kissing on the first date, you should never date someone whom you would not wish to kiss immediately.
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Sometimes you have to avoid mentioning things because people's feelings are tender.
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There's so many people who move around our country and lose track of their own ancestry. It's nice to know where you come from.
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Some of us have a relentless urge to attempt what we can never be good at and neglect our true calling.
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The greatness of America is that it produces exuberant geniuses like Louis Armstrong and Fred Astaire and Leonard Bernstein. We are meant to be a jazzy people who talk big and jump on the table and dance we aren't supposed to be dopey and glum and brood over old injuries.
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Lake Wobegon, the little town that time forgot and the decades cannot improve.
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Roy Blount's stuff makes me laugh so hard, sometimes I have to go sit in a room and shut the door
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Freedom doesn't mean aimlessness. We can't just sleepwalk through life.... Freedom demands structure.
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Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function.
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Love has the power to rescue us and not let go, otherwise it isn't love
Garrison Keillor
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Years ago, manhood was an opportunity for achievement, and now it is a problem to be overcome.
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I was brought up imagining that cream rises to the top, merit wins out, the race is to the swift and riches to men of understanding, but it ain't necessarily so. The swift stand a better chance if they are also beautiful.
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I can write anywhere. I write in airports. I write on airplanes. I've written in the back seats of taxis. I write in hotel rooms. I love hotel rooms. I just write wherever I am whenever I need to write.
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No innocent man buys a gun, and no happy man writes his memoirs.
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