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God plays a lot of jokes on us to get our attention.

Garrison Keillor

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Garrison Keillor
Age: 82
Born: 1942
Born: August 7
Author
Comedian
Humorist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Singer
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Anoka
Minnesota
Gary Edward Keillor
Plays
God
Jokes
Attention
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More quotes by Garrison Keillor

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Thank you, God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love it enough.
Garrison Keillor
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The reason to retire is to try to avoid embarrassment you ought to do it before people are dropping big hints. You want to be the first to come up with the idea. You don't want to wait until you trip and fall off the stage.
Garrison Keillor
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The majority of people who keel over dead at concerts are killed by a long trumpet passage.
Garrison Keillor
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Childhood is the small town everyone came from.
Garrison Keillor
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... and people are to march around the church to commemorate the event, Palm Sunday, when Jesus rode into Jerusalem and was greeted with applause and with palms. People thought he had come to overthrow the Romans, but ... no ... he had come to change THEM ... and that led to things turning bad.
Garrison Keillor
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..people (in Minnesota) avoid stupidity when possible, not wanting to be a $10 haircut on a 50 cent head.
Garrison Keillor
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Roy Blount's stuff makes me laugh so hard, sometimes I have to go sit in a room and shut the door
Garrison Keillor
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A girl in a bikini is like having a loaded pistol on your coffee table - There's nothing wrong with them, but it's hard to stop thinking about it.
Garrison Keillor
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It's confidence it has to be something good about getting old. One of the things is that you just don't stress about some stuff that made you so worried.
Garrison Keillor
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Take care of your friends. Because there will come a time when you'll be no good to anyone, and the only reason for people to talk to you will be sheer habit.
Garrison Keillor
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Being Lutheran, Mother believed that self-pity is a deadly sin and so is nostalgia, and she had no time for either
Garrison Keillor
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Eating a little was like vomiting a little, just as bad as a lot.
Garrison Keillor
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Easter is so disappointing. You suffer all the way through lent, and what do you get for it? A ham.
Garrison Keillor
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The great unrequited love tears open your heart to the beauty of the world, its small rivers and upland meadows. It also makes you kinder to the next hundred thousand persons who cross your path.
Garrison Keillor
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As for kissing on the first date, you should never date someone whom you would not wish to kiss immediately.
Garrison Keillor
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I felt bad for that world that we have given a generation of kids.
Garrison Keillor
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A person does feel sheepish picking on journalists, a class already so richly despised that if a planeload of them crashed in flames, most people would smile from pure reflex.
Garrison Keillor
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We thank you [the soldiers recently returned from the middle east] for your service.
Garrison Keillor
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As a former English major, I am a sitting duck for Gift Books, and in the past few years I've gotten Dickens, Thackeray, Smollet, Richardson, Emerson, Keats, Boswell and the Brontes, all of them Great, none of them ever read by me, all of them now on a shelf, looking at me and making me feel guilty.
Garrison Keillor
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...opening up a newspaper is the key to looking classy and smart. Never mind the bronze-plated stuff about the role of the press in a democracy - a newspaper, kiddo, is about Style.
Garrison Keillor