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Where I come from, when a Catholic marries a Lutheran it is considered the first step on the road to Minneapolis.

Garrison Keillor

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Garrison Keillor
Age: 82
Born: 1942
Born: August 7
Author
Comedian
Humorist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Singer
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Anoka
Minnesota
Gary Edward Keillor
Come
Minneapolis
First
Marries
Considered
Catholic
Road
Step
Steps
Lutheran
Firsts
Lutherans

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The reason to retire is to try to avoid embarrassment you ought to do it before people are dropping big hints. You want to be the first to come up with the idea. You don't want to wait until you trip and fall off the stage.
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I hiked around town, the air sweet and dry, and was sort of overwhelmed by the perfection of it -- the old courthouse, the train depot, Mount [Jumbo] and Mount Sentinel rising up, the neon bars, the funky festivity of a college town .
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They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
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A young writer is easily tempted by the allusive and ethereal and ironic and reflective, but the declarative is at the bottom of most good writing.
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..people (in Minnesota) avoid stupidity when possible, not wanting to be a $10 haircut on a 50 cent head.
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Humor, a good sense of it, is to Americans what manhood is to Spaniards, and we will go to great lengths to prove it. Experiments with laboratory rats have shown that, if one psychologist in the room laughs at something a rat does, all of the other psychologists will laugh equally. Nobody wants to be left holding the joke.
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God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny.
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Men peak at age nineteen and go downhill.
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When the country goes temporarily to the dogs, cats must learn to be circumspect, walk on fences, sleep in trees, and have faith that all this woofing is not the last word.
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One day Donald Trump will discover that he is owned by Lutheran Brotherhood and must re negotiate his debt load with a committee of silent Norwegians who dont understand why anyone would pay more than $120.00 for a suit.
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A girl in a bikini is like having a loaded pistol on your coffee table - There's nothing wrong with them, but it's hard to stop thinking about it.
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Childhood is the small town everyone came from.
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We all know you can get AIDS from sex, but did you know that you can get sex from aides?
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I have taken so many wrong turns and been so careless with precious things and managed to lose, or break, or leave out in the rain so much that I loved.
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Some people have a love of their fellow man in their hearts, and others require a light anesthetic.
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The majority of people who keel over dead at concerts are killed by a long trumpet passage.
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Spending time in a church does not make you religious, any more than spending time in a garage makes you a car.
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Every show is your last show. That's my philosophy.
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Children can find other children to be pals. Children need fathers to be fathers.
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