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Jesus said the meek would inherit the earth, but so far all we've gotten is Minnesota and North Dakota.

Garrison Keillor

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Garrison Keillor
Age: 82
Born: 1942
Born: August 7
Author
Comedian
Humorist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Singer
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Anoka
Minnesota
Gary Edward Keillor
Jesus
Earth
Would
Dakota
Inherit
Minnesota
Meek
North
Gotten

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Easter is so disappointing. You suffer all the way through lent, and what do you get for it? A ham.
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Freedom doesn't mean aimlessness. We can't just sleepwalk through life.... Freedom demands structure.
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Sometimes there is nothing you can do, and in those times, you must do something anyway.
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No innocent man buys a gun, and no happy man writes his memoirs.
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Pumpkin pie is a living symbol of mediocrity. The best pumpkin pie you ever ate wasn't all that much different from the worst pumpkin pie you ever ate.
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Enough. Man is capable of reform once presented with the facts, and the fact is that bottling water and shipping it is a big waste of fuel, so stop already.
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I was brought up imagining that cream rises to the top, merit wins out, the race is to the swift and riches to men of understanding, but it ain't necessarily so. The swift stand a better chance if they are also beautiful.
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Liberalism is dead, so dead that Democrats have all become moderate Republicans, and the heavy hand of Big Government is now limp and damp and trembly.
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As for kissing on the first date, you should never date someone whom you would not wish to kiss immediately.
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Being an English major prepares you for impersonating authority.
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Marrying for sex is like flying to London for the free peanuts and pretzels. It's not the point of the thing, is it?
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A person does feel sheepish picking on journalists, a class already so richly despised that if a planeload of them crashed in flames, most people would smile from pure reflex.
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Some of us have a relentless urge to attempt what we can never be good at and neglect our true calling.
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Humor is not a trick, not jokes. Humor is a presence in the world - like grace - and shines on everybody.
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Love has the power to rescue us and not let go, otherwise it isn't love
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You now have learned enough to see That Cats are much like you and me And other people whom we find Possessed of various types of mind. For some are sane and some are mad And some are good and some are bad And some are better, some are worse — But all may be described in verse.
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Thank you, God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love it enough.
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I felt bad for that world that we have given a generation of kids.
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Your life is a work of art, and in the end, the underlying theme of great art is bravery and hope and love.
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The reason to retire is to try to avoid embarrassment you ought to do it before people are dropping big hints. You want to be the first to come up with the idea. You don't want to wait until you trip and fall off the stage.
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