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March is the month God created to show people who don't drink what a hangover is like.

Garrison Keillor

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Garrison Keillor
Age: 82
Born: 1942
Born: August 7
Author
Comedian
Humorist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Singer
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Anoka
Minnesota
Gary Edward Keillor
Shows
Like
Hangover
People
Month
March
Created
Drink
Months
Show

More quotes by Garrison Keillor

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Spending time in a church does not make you religious, any more than spending time in a garage makes you a car.
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Nothing you do for children is ever wasted. They seem not to notice us, hovering, averting our eyes, and they seldom offer thanks, but what we do for them is never wasted.
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We all know you can get AIDS from sex, but did you know that you can get sex from aides?
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Face it: a nation that maintains a 72% approval rating on George W. Bush is a nation with a very loose grip on reality.
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I can write anywhere. I write in airports. I write on airplanes. I've written in the back seats of taxis. I write in hotel rooms. I love hotel rooms. I just write wherever I am whenever I need to write.
Garrison Keillor
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I usually don't work with other people I do the whole show myself.
Garrison Keillor
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Every show is your last show. That's my philosophy.
Garrison Keillor
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It is a sin to believe evil of others but it is seldom a mistake.
Garrison Keillor
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The greatness of America is that it produces exuberant geniuses like Louis Armstrong and Fred Astaire and Leonard Bernstein. We are meant to be a jazzy people who talk big and jump on the table and dance we aren't supposed to be dopey and glum and brood over old injuries.
Garrison Keillor
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... and people are to march around the church to commemorate the event, Palm Sunday, when Jesus rode into Jerusalem and was greeted with applause and with palms. People thought he had come to overthrow the Romans, but ... no ... he had come to change THEM ... and that led to things turning bad.
Garrison Keillor
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..people (in Minnesota) avoid stupidity when possible, not wanting to be a $10 haircut on a 50 cent head.
Garrison Keillor
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You don't have to justify a beautiful stroke of good luck. Accept it. Smile and say thank you.
Garrison Keillor
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It was luxuries like air conditioning that brought down the Roman Empire. With air conditioning their windows were shut, they couldn't hear the barbarians coming.
Garrison Keillor
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Writing is the main gig and teaching and performing are sidelines, an excuse for not writing more. Working on a novel and on an opera make me seriously want to retire and find a volunteer job as a docent at the zoo explaining to schoolchildren where frogs go in the winter.
Garrison Keillor
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It is more worthy in the eyes of God . . . if a writer makes three pages sharp and funny about the lives of geese than to make three hundred fat and flabby about God or the American people.
Garrison Keillor
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Winter: It's not just a season, it's who we are.
Garrison Keillor
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A minister has to be able to read a clock. At noon, it's time to go home and turn up the pot roast and get the peas out of the freezer.
Garrison Keillor
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A good friend is a person who thinks you're one of the good eggs, even if he knows you're a little cracked.
Garrison Keillor
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A girl in a bikini is like having a loaded pistol on your coffee table - There's nothing wrong with them, but it's hard to stop thinking about it.
Garrison Keillor
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That's why God created marriage, so people wouldn't have to fight with strangers.
Garrison Keillor