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Eating a little was like vomiting a little, just as bad as a lot.

Garrison Keillor

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Garrison Keillor
Age: 82
Born: 1942
Born: August 7
Author
Comedian
Humorist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Singer
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Anoka
Minnesota
Gary Edward Keillor
Vomiting
Eating
Littles
Little
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More quotes by Garrison Keillor

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Scripture doesn't promise that God will remove temptation, only that you'll be given strength to withstand it.
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It's a shallow life that doesn't give a person a few scars.
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This is the big reason most humorists fail. Drunks don't read books.
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There's so many people who move around our country and lose track of their own ancestry. It's nice to know where you come from.
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She gave him such a look... Man oh man, if looks could kill. That one might have totalled a city block.
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I remember when I switched from Christmas to sex as the secret of happiness.
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Ha! Easy for nuns to talk about giving up things. That's what they do for a living.
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Where I come from, when a Catholic marries a Lutheran it is considered the first step on the road to Minneapolis.
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Possessing the ideal makes a person nervous: you sense the inevitable decline just ahead.
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You get old and you realize there are no answers, just stories.
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A person does feel sheepish picking on journalists, a class already so richly despised that if a planeload of them crashed in flames, most people would smile from pure reflex.
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We thank you [the soldiers recently returned from the middle east] for your service.
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To Norwegians, the polka is a form of martial art.
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I usually don't work with other people I do the whole show myself.
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No innocent man buys a gun, and no happy man writes his memoirs.
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The majority of people who keel over dead at concerts are killed by a long trumpet passage.
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You're such a big liar you gotta get your neighbor to call your dog.
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As for family values, they are whatever they are - some families are tight, others are blown away like dandelion puffs. A main value in Minnesota is still: don't waste my time, don't B.S. me, I wasn't born yesterday.
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Easter is so disappointing. You suffer all the way through lent, and what do you get for it? A ham.
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People always are encouraging about a terrible loss, so that sometimes the loser would like to strangle them.
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