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Easter is so disappointing. You suffer all the way through lent, and what do you get for it? A ham.

Garrison Keillor

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Garrison Keillor
Age: 82
Born: 1942
Born: August 7
Author
Comedian
Humorist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Singer
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Anoka
Minnesota
Gary Edward Keillor
Disappointing
Easter
Suffer
Suffering
Way
Lent
Ham

More quotes by Garrison Keillor

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Children can find other children to be pals. Children need fathers to be fathers.
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Beauty isn't worth thinking about what's important is your mind. You don't want a fifty-dollar haircut on a fifty-cent head. ~Garrison Keillor
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Nothing you do for children is ever wasted. They seem not to notice us, hovering, averting our eyes, and they seldom offer thanks, but what we do for them is never wasted.
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That's why God created marriage, so people wouldn't have to fight with strangers.
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When you're old you feast on your memories, and if you spend too much time on exercise, you may get old and not have many.
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Even in a time of elephantine vanity and greed, one never has to look far to see the campfires of gentle people.
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Sometimes you have to avoid mentioning things because people's feelings are tender.
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Humor has to surprise us otherwise, it isn't funny. It's a death knell for a writer to be labeled a humorist because then it's not a surprise anymore.
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Scripture doesn't promise that God will remove temptation, only that you'll be given strength to withstand it.
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People always are encouraging about a terrible loss, so that sometimes the loser would like to strangle them.
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In the end, all solutions are temporary.
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Minnesota is a state of public-spirited and polite people, where you can get a good cappucino and eat Thai food and find any book you want and yet live on a quiet tree-lined street with a backyard and send your kids to public school. When a state this good hits the jackpot, it can only be an inspiration to everybody.
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Some of us have a relentless urge to attempt what we can never be good at and neglect our true calling.
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It is more worthy in the eyes of God . . . if a writer makes three pages sharp and funny about the lives of geese than to make three hundred fat and flabby about God or the American people.
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I love New York, and I'm drawn to a certain intensity of life, but I've just never felt like I want to escape from the Midwest. A writer lives a great deal in his own head, and so one intuitively finds places where your head is more clear. New York for me is one of those places.
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A person does feel sheepish picking on journalists, a class already so richly despised that if a planeload of them crashed in flames, most people would smile from pure reflex.
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The majority of people who keel over dead at concerts are killed by a long trumpet passage.
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You get old and you realize there are no answers, just stories.
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Where I come from, when a Catholic marries a Lutheran it is considered the first step on the road to Minneapolis.
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One reads books in order to gain the privilege of living more than one life. People who don't read are trapped in a mine shaft, even if they think the sun is shining.
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