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When you wage war on the public schools, you're attacking the mortar that holds the community together. You're not a conservative, you're a vandal.
Garrison Keillor
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Garrison Keillor
Age: 82
Born: 1942
Born: August 7
Author
Comedian
Humorist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Singer
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Anoka
Minnesota
Gary Edward Keillor
Conservative
Public
Vandal
Community
Vandals
War
Mortar
School
Wage
Together
Attacking
Holds
Schools
More quotes by Garrison Keillor
To choose Norm Coleman over Walter Mondale is like going to a great steakhouse and ordering the tuna sandwich.
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Some of us have a relentless urge to attempt what we can never be good at and neglect our true calling.
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I talk in subjects and verbs, and sort of wind around in concentric circles until I get far enough away from the beginning so that I can call it the end, and it ends.
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The great unrequited love tears open your heart to the beauty of the world, its small rivers and upland meadows. It also makes you kinder to the next hundred thousand persons who cross your path.
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As for family values, they are whatever they are - some families are tight, others are blown away like dandelion puffs. A main value in Minnesota is still: don't waste my time, don't B.S. me, I wasn't born yesterday.
Garrison Keillor
When you're old you feast on your memories, and if you spend too much time on exercise, you may get old and not have many.
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Pumpkin pie is a living symbol of mediocrity. The best pumpkin pie you ever ate wasn't all that much different from the worst pumpkin pie you ever ate.
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I love New York, and I'm drawn to a certain intensity of life, but I've just never felt like I want to escape from the Midwest. A writer lives a great deal in his own head, and so one intuitively finds places where your head is more clear. New York for me is one of those places.
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When the country goes temporarily to the dogs, cats must learn to be circumspect, walk on fences, sleep in trees, and have faith that all this woofing is not the last word.
Garrison Keillor
Sport is a seductive metaphor (life as a game in which we gain victory through hard work, discipline, and visualizing success). but the older metaphor of farming (life as hard labor that is subject to weather and quirks of blind fate and may return no reward whatsoever and don't be surprised) is still in our blood.
Garrison Keillor
Freedom doesn't mean aimlessness. We can't just sleepwalk through life.... Freedom demands structure.
Garrison Keillor
Take care of your friends. Because there will come a time when you'll be no good to anyone, and the only reason for people to talk to you will be sheer habit.
Garrison Keillor
I usually don't work with other people I do the whole show myself.
Garrison Keillor
Sometimes you have to avoid mentioning things because people's feelings are tender.
Garrison Keillor
One reads books in order to gain the privilege of living more than one life. People who don't read are trapped in a mine shaft, even if they think the sun is shining.
Garrison Keillor
The socially redeeming aspect of golf lies in the vast number of lawyers and bankers and managers who play it, and when you think of the damage they would do if they were at the job instead, you can see why golf courses are a wise investment for any municipality.
Garrison Keillor
Ha! Easy for nuns to talk about giving up things. That's what they do for a living.
Garrison Keillor
Sometimes there is nothing you can do, and in those times, you must do something anyway.
Garrison Keillor
We all know you can get AIDS from sex, but did you know that you can get sex from aides?
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Being Lutheran, Mother believed that self-pity is a deadly sin and so is nostalgia, and she had no time for either
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