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When you wage war on the public schools, you're attacking the mortar that holds the community together. You're not a conservative, you're a vandal.

Garrison Keillor

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Garrison Keillor
Age: 82
Born: 1942
Born: August 7
Author
Comedian
Humorist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Singer
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Anoka
Minnesota
Gary Edward Keillor
War
Mortar
School
Wage
Together
Attacking
Holds
Schools
Conservative
Public
Vandal
Community
Vandals

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Humor, a good sense of it, is to Americans what manhood is to Spaniards, and we will go to great lengths to prove it. Experiments with laboratory rats have shown that, if one psychologist in the room laughs at something a rat does, all of the other psychologists will laugh equally. Nobody wants to be left holding the joke.
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The mass of men lead lives of shallow happiness the superior man exults in his gloom.
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It's confidence it has to be something good about getting old. One of the things is that you just don't stress about some stuff that made you so worried.
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Childhood is the small town everyone came from.
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She gave him such a look... Man oh man, if looks could kill. That one might have totalled a city block.
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Beauty isn't worth thinking about what's important is your mind. You don't want a fifty-dollar haircut on a fifty-cent head. ~Garrison Keillor
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A cruise ship is a floating town of lazy people.
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Minnesota is a state of public-spirited and polite people, where you can get a good cappucino and eat Thai food and find any book you want and yet live on a quiet tree-lined street with a backyard and send your kids to public school. When a state this good hits the jackpot, it can only be an inspiration to everybody.
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God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny.
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Lake Wobegon, the little town that time forgot and the decades cannot improve.
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Most men are prisoners at best, Who some strong habit every drag about Like chain and ball.
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Have interesting failures.... If you need to have a personal crisis have it now. Don't wait until midlife, when it will take longer to resolve.... Don't pity yourselves. Lighten up. Seek people with a sense of humor. Avoid humorless people-and do not marry one, for God's sake.
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Scripture doesn't promise that God will remove temptation, only that you'll be given strength to withstand it.
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The highlight of my childhood was making my brother laugh so hard that food came out of his nose.
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No innocent man buys a gun, and no happy man writes his memoirs.
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A girl in a bikini is like having a loaded pistol on your coffee table - There's nothing wrong with them, but it's hard to stop thinking about it.
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In Lake Wobegon, we don't forget mistakes.
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I hiked around town, the air sweet and dry, and was sort of overwhelmed by the perfection of it -- the old courthouse, the train depot, Mount [Jumbo] and Mount Sentinel rising up, the neon bars, the funky festivity of a college town .
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We all know you can get AIDS from sex, but did you know that you can get sex from aides?
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I have taken so many wrong turns and been so careless with precious things and managed to lose, or break, or leave out in the rain so much that I loved.
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