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You're such a big liar you gotta get your neighbor to call your dog.

Garrison Keillor

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Garrison Keillor
Age: 82
Born: 1942
Born: August 7
Author
Comedian
Humorist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Singer
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Anoka
Minnesota
Gary Edward Keillor
Call
Bigs
Liar
Liars
Gotta
Neighbor
Dog

More quotes by Garrison Keillor

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IMPORTANT Book reading is a solitary and sedentary pursuit, and those who do are cautioned that a book should be used as an integral part of a well-rounded life, including a daily regimen of rigorous physical exercise, rewarding personal relationships, and sensible low-fat diet. A book should not be used a as a substitute or an excuse.
Garrison Keillor
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Humor needs to come in under cover of darkness, in disguise, and surprise people.
Garrison Keillor
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Take care of your friends. Because there will come a time when you'll be no good to anyone, and the only reason for people to talk to you will be sheer habit.
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If you lived today as if it were your last, you'd buy up a box of rockets and fire them all off, wouldn't you?
Garrison Keillor
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A young writer is easily tempted by the allusive and ethereal and ironic and reflective, but the declarative is at the bottom of most good writing.
Garrison Keillor
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Being rich and thin isn't everything.
Garrison Keillor
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Secret of life is to go through something harrowing that doesnt kill you...and to love one woman for the rest of your life.
Garrison Keillor
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Spending time in a church does not make you religious, any more than spending time in a garage makes you a car.
Garrison Keillor
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I felt bad for that world that we have given a generation of kids.
Garrison Keillor
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I talk in subjects and verbs, and sort of wind around in concentric circles until I get far enough away from the beginning so that I can call it the end, and it ends.
Garrison Keillor
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Beauty isn't worth thinking about what's important is your mind. You don't want a fifty-dollar haircut on a fifty-cent head. ~Garrison Keillor
Garrison Keillor
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I want to resume the life of a shy person.
Garrison Keillor
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People in cars cause accidents and accidents in cars cause people.
Garrison Keillor
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Those people on daytime TV talking about how their parents never gave them the positive feedback they needed and that's why they shot them- those are not Minnesotans.
Garrison Keillor
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God plays a lot of jokes on us to get our attention.
Garrison Keillor
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Marrying for sex is like flying to London for the free peanuts and pretzels. It's not the point of the thing, is it?
Garrison Keillor
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Jesus said the meek would inherit the earth, but so far all we've gotten is Minnesota and North Dakota.
Garrison Keillor
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It was luxuries like air conditioning that brought down the Roman Empire. With air conditioning their windows were shut, they couldn't hear the barbarians coming.
Garrison Keillor
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A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.
Garrison Keillor
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Enough. Man is capable of reform once presented with the facts, and the fact is that bottling water and shipping it is a big waste of fuel, so stop already.
Garrison Keillor