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I've seen the truth, and it makes no sense.

Garrison Keillor

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Garrison Keillor
Age: 82
Born: 1942
Born: August 7
Author
Comedian
Humorist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Singer
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Anoka
Minnesota
Gary Edward Keillor
Sense
Makes
Truth
Seen

More quotes by Garrison Keillor

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I was brought up imagining that cream rises to the top, merit wins out, the race is to the swift and riches to men of understanding, but it ain't necessarily so. The swift stand a better chance if they are also beautiful.
Garrison Keillor
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You now have learned enough to see That Cats are much like you and me And other people whom we find Possessed of various types of mind. For some are sane and some are mad And some are good and some are bad And some are better, some are worse — But all may be described in verse.
Garrison Keillor
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Don't pour the oil directly into my navel, pour it on my sternum and let it run down into my navel, you ignorant peasant.
Garrison Keillor
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They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
Garrison Keillor
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You're such a big liar you gotta get your neighbor to call your dog.
Garrison Keillor
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Men peak at age nineteen and go downhill.
Garrison Keillor
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Thank you, God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love it enough.
Garrison Keillor
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Enough. Man is capable of reform once presented with the facts, and the fact is that bottling water and shipping it is a big waste of fuel, so stop already.
Garrison Keillor
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Humor is not a trick, not jokes. Humor is a presence in the world - like grace - and shines on everybody.
Garrison Keillor
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A good friend is a person who thinks you're one of the good eggs, even if he knows you're a little cracked.
Garrison Keillor
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A minister has to be able to read a clock. At noon, it's time to go home and turn up the pot roast and get the peas out of the freezer.
Garrison Keillor
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Sex is not a mechanical act that fails for lack of technique, and it is not a performance by the male for the audience of the female it is a continuum of attraction that extends from the simplest conversation and the most innocent touching through the act of coitus.
Garrison Keillor
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Dogs don't lie and why should I? Strangers come they growl and bark, they know their loved ones in the dark, Now let me, by night or day, Be just as full of truth as they.
Garrison Keillor
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Your car, comfort though it be, this little den and dining room on wheels, is a prison that deadens your senses, and to feel wholly alive you must go for a walk.
Garrison Keillor
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There's so many people who move around our country and lose track of their own ancestry. It's nice to know where you come from.
Garrison Keillor
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Childhood is the small town everyone came from.
Garrison Keillor
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As for kissing on the first date, you should never date someone whom you would not wish to kiss immediately.
Garrison Keillor
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The great unrequited love tears open your heart to the beauty of the world, its small rivers and upland meadows. It also makes you kinder to the next hundred thousand persons who cross your path.
Garrison Keillor
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I like to sing and it's just really fun to sing, and I don't get too much. And at my house I'm not allowed to because, you know, your children can't stand it when you sing at home.
Garrison Keillor
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Humor needs to come in under cover of darkness, in disguise, and surprise people.
Garrison Keillor