Quote

A minister has to be able to read a clock. At noon, it's time to go home and turn up the pot roast and get the peas out of the freezer.

Garrison Keillor

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Garrison Keillor
Age: 82
Born: 1942
Born: August 7
Author
Comedian
Humorist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Singer
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Anoka
Minnesota
Gary Edward Keillor
Time
Minister
Ministers
Clock
Turn
Freezer
Turns
Roast
Read
Peas
Home
Noon
Able
Pot

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This is the big reason most humorists fail. Drunks don't read books.
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The majority of people who keel over dead at concerts are killed by a long trumpet passage.
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In Lake Wobegon, we don't forget mistakes.
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You're such a big liar you gotta get your neighbor to call your dog.
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Roy Blount's stuff makes me laugh so hard, sometimes I have to go sit in a room and shut the door
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Humor needs to come in under cover of darkness, in disguise, and surprise people.
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Being Lutheran, Mother believed that self-pity is a deadly sin and so is nostalgia, and she had no time for either
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I was brought up imagining that cream rises to the top, merit wins out, the race is to the swift and riches to men of understanding, but it ain't necessarily so. The swift stand a better chance if they are also beautiful.
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If you lived today as if it were your last, you'd buy up a box of rockets and fire them all off, wouldn't you?
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Humor has to surprise us otherwise, it isn't funny. It's a death knell for a writer to be labeled a humorist because then it's not a surprise anymore.
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You don't want to get that sort of sound in your writing that boing that gives you away.
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I hiked around town, the air sweet and dry, and was sort of overwhelmed by the perfection of it -- the old courthouse, the train depot, Mount [Jumbo] and Mount Sentinel rising up, the neon bars, the funky festivity of a college town .
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When the country goes temporarily to the dogs, cats must learn to be circumspect, walk on fences, sleep in trees, and have faith that all this woofing is not the last word.
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... I never was one to get upset about a few scratches on a motor vehicle, it is meant to be used, not saved.
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...opening up a newspaper is the key to looking classy and smart. Never mind the bronze-plated stuff about the role of the press in a democracy - a newspaper, kiddo, is about Style.
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Humor is not a trick, not jokes. Humor is a presence in the world - like grace - and shines on everybody.
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My ancestors were Puritans from England. They arrived here in 1648 in the hope of finding greater restrictions than were permissible under English law at that time.
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Even in a time of elephantine vanity and greed, one never has to look far to see the campfires of gentle people.
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