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A minister has to be able to read a clock. At noon, it's time to go home and turn up the pot roast and get the peas out of the freezer.
Garrison Keillor
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Garrison Keillor
Age: 82
Born: 1942
Born: August 7
Author
Comedian
Humorist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Singer
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Anoka
Minnesota
Gary Edward Keillor
Turns
Roast
Read
Peas
Home
Noon
Able
Pot
Time
Minister
Ministers
Clock
Turn
Freezer
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We all know you can get AIDS from sex, but did you know that you can get sex from aides?
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I write on a laptop, so it's impossible to count drafts anymore.
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A child can educate just about anybody.
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Second violins can play a concerto perfectly if they're in their own home and nobody's there.
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I love rhymes I love to write a poem about New York and rhyme 'oysters' with 'The Cloisters.' And 'The lady from Knoxville who bought her brassieres by the boxful.' I just feel a sort of small triumph.
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I was brought up imagining that cream rises to the top, merit wins out, the race is to the swift and riches to men of understanding, but it ain't necessarily so. The swift stand a better chance if they are also beautiful.
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When the country goes temporarily to the dogs, cats must learn to be circumspect, walk on fences, sleep in trees, and have faith that all this woofing is not the last word.
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Secret of life is to go through something harrowing that doesnt kill you...and to love one woman for the rest of your life.
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I loved feeling special. I hated feeling special.
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..people (in Minnesota) avoid stupidity when possible, not wanting to be a $10 haircut on a 50 cent head.
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Humor needs to come in under cover of darkness, in disguise, and surprise people.
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I talk in subjects and verbs, and sort of wind around in concentric circles until I get far enough away from the beginning so that I can call it the end, and it ends.
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Dogs don't lie and why should I? Strangers come they growl and bark, they know their loved ones in the dark, Now let me, by night or day, Be just as full of truth as they.
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Eating a little was like vomiting a little, just as bad as a lot.
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We thank you [the soldiers recently returned from the middle east] for your service.
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I think that you are only obliged to be a humorist from the age of 18 until you turn 30. Past the age of 30 I don't think there is any obligation to be clever at all.
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Every show is your last show. That's my philosophy.
Garrison Keillor
In the end, all solutions are temporary.
Garrison Keillor
Writing is the main gig and teaching and performing are sidelines, an excuse for not writing more. Working on a novel and on an opera make me seriously want to retire and find a volunteer job as a docent at the zoo explaining to schoolchildren where frogs go in the winter.
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She gave him such a look... Man oh man, if looks could kill. That one might have totalled a city block.
Garrison Keillor
