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A girl in a bikini is like having a loaded pistol on your coffee table - There's nothing wrong with them, but it's hard to stop thinking about it.

Garrison Keillor

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Garrison Keillor
Age: 82
Born: 1942
Born: August 7
Author
Comedian
Humorist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Singer
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Anoka
Minnesota
Gary Edward Keillor
Stop
Pistol
Wrong
Bikini
Girl
Bikinis
Nothing
Pistols
Hard
Loaded
Thinking
Table
Like
Tables
Coffee

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A young writer is easily tempted by the allusive and ethereal and ironic and reflective, but the declarative is at the bottom of most good writing.
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Sometimes you have to avoid mentioning things because people's feelings are tender.
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Freedom doesn't mean aimlessness. We can't just sleepwalk through life.... Freedom demands structure.
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That's why God created marriage, so people wouldn't have to fight with strangers.
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Jesus said the meek would inherit the earth, but so far all we've gotten is Minnesota and North Dakota.
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March is the month God created to show people who don't drink what a hangover is like.
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A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.
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For me, the monologue was the favorite thing I had done in radio. It was based on writing, but in the end it was radio, it was standing up and leaning forward into the dark and talking, letting words come out of you.
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In Lake Wobegon, we don't forget mistakes.
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You're such a big liar you gotta get your neighbor to call your dog.
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To choose Norm Coleman over Walter Mondale is like going to a great steakhouse and ordering the tuna sandwich.
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My ancestors were Puritans from England. They arrived here in 1648 in the hope of finding greater restrictions than were permissible under English law at that time.
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One day Donald Trump will discover that he is owned by Lutheran Brotherhood and must re negotiate his debt load with a committee of silent Norwegians who dont understand why anyone would pay more than $120.00 for a suit.
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Sport is a seductive metaphor (life as a game in which we gain victory through hard work, discipline, and visualizing success). but the older metaphor of farming (life as hard labor that is subject to weather and quirks of blind fate and may return no reward whatsoever and don't be surprised) is still in our blood.
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I love rhymes I love to write a poem about New York and rhyme 'oysters' with 'The Cloisters.' And 'The lady from Knoxville who bought her brassieres by the boxful.' I just feel a sort of small triumph.
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Face it: a nation that maintains a 72% approval rating on George W. Bush is a nation with a very loose grip on reality.
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The great unrequited love tears open your heart to the beauty of the world, its small rivers and upland meadows. It also makes you kinder to the next hundred thousand persons who cross your path.
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Most men are prisoners at best, Who some strong habit every drag about Like chain and ball.
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You now have learned enough to see That Cats are much like you and me And other people whom we find Possessed of various types of mind. For some are sane and some are mad And some are good and some are bad And some are better, some are worse — But all may be described in verse.
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I want to resume the life of a shy person.
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