Quote

A girl in a bikini is like having a loaded pistol on your coffee table - There's nothing wrong with them, but it's hard to stop thinking about it.

Garrison Keillor

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Garrison Keillor
Age: 82
Born: 1942
Born: August 7
Author
Comedian
Humorist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Singer
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Anoka
Minnesota
Gary Edward Keillor
Nothing
Pistols
Hard
Loaded
Thinking
Table
Like
Tables
Coffee
Stop
Pistol
Wrong
Bikini
Girl
Bikinis

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Eating a little was like vomiting a little, just as bad as a lot.
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We English majors...need to promote public libraries as a tool in the war against terror. How many readers of Edith Wharton have engaged in terroristic acts? I challenge you to name one...Do we need to wait until our cities lie in smoking ruins before we wake up to the fact that a first-class public library is a vital link in national defense?
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We all know you can get AIDS from sex, but did you know that you can get sex from aides?
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Don't pour the oil directly into my navel, pour it on my sternum and let it run down into my navel, you ignorant peasant.
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She gave him such a look... Man oh man, if looks could kill. That one might have totalled a city block.
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Easter is so disappointing. You suffer all the way through lent, and what do you get for it? A ham.
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Nothing that readers say or do strikes me as a nuisance. Anyone who cracks open a book of mine is, to me, a gem.
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You don't want to get that sort of sound in your writing that boing that gives you away.
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In the end, all solutions are temporary.
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Secret of life is to go through something harrowing that doesnt kill you...and to love one woman for the rest of your life.
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Sport is a seductive metaphor (life as a game in which we gain victory through hard work, discipline, and visualizing success). but the older metaphor of farming (life as hard labor that is subject to weather and quirks of blind fate and may return no reward whatsoever and don't be surprised) is still in our blood.
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I love rhymes I love to write a poem about New York and rhyme 'oysters' with 'The Cloisters.' And 'The lady from Knoxville who bought her brassieres by the boxful.' I just feel a sort of small triumph.
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To choose Norm Coleman over Walter Mondale is like going to a great steakhouse and ordering the tuna sandwich.
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Childhood is the small town everyone came from.
Garrison Keillor
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I remember when I switched from Christmas to sex as the secret of happiness.
Garrison Keillor
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I usually don't work with other people I do the whole show myself.
Garrison Keillor
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English is the perfect language for preachers because it allows you to talk until you think of what to say.
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Dogs don't lie and why should I? Strangers come they growl and bark, they know their loved ones in the dark, Now let me, by night or day, Be just as full of truth as they.
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I think if the church put in half the time on covetousness that it does on lust, this would be a better world for all of us.
Garrison Keillor
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We thank you [the soldiers recently returned from the middle east] for your service.
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