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They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.

Garrison Keillor

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Garrison Keillor
Age: 82
Born: 1942
Born: August 7
Author
Comedian
Humorist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Singer
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Anoka
Minnesota
Gary Edward Keillor
Things
Mine
People
Missing
Days
Nice
Funny
Funerals
Death
Funeral
Makes
Miss
Going
Mines

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Your car, comfort though it be, this little den and dining room on wheels, is a prison that deadens your senses, and to feel wholly alive you must go for a walk.
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There's so many people who move around our country and lose track of their own ancestry. It's nice to know where you come from.
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Writing is the main gig and teaching and performing are sidelines, an excuse for not writing more. Working on a novel and on an opera make me seriously want to retire and find a volunteer job as a docent at the zoo explaining to schoolchildren where frogs go in the winter.
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Take care of your friends. Because there will come a time when you'll be no good to anyone, and the only reason for people to talk to you will be sheer habit.
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I can write anywhere. I write in airports. I write on airplanes. I've written in the back seats of taxis. I write in hotel rooms. I love hotel rooms. I just write wherever I am whenever I need to write.
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You don't want to get that sort of sound in your writing that boing that gives you away.
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Nothing that readers say or do strikes me as a nuisance. Anyone who cracks open a book of mine is, to me, a gem.
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I love rhymes I love to write a poem about New York and rhyme 'oysters' with 'The Cloisters.' And 'The lady from Knoxville who bought her brassieres by the boxful.' I just feel a sort of small triumph.
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Winter: It's not just a season, it's who we are.
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No innocent man buys a gun, and no happy man writes his memoirs.
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Possessing the ideal makes a person nervous: you sense the inevitable decline just ahead.
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I write on a laptop, so it's impossible to count drafts anymore.
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Your life is a work of art, and in the end, the underlying theme of great art is bravery and hope and love.
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I hiked around town, the air sweet and dry, and was sort of overwhelmed by the perfection of it -- the old courthouse, the train depot, Mount [Jumbo] and Mount Sentinel rising up, the neon bars, the funky festivity of a college town .
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People always are encouraging about a terrible loss, so that sometimes the loser would like to strangle them.
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This is the big reason most humorists fail. Drunks don't read books.
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Liberalism is dead, so dead that Democrats have all become moderate Republicans, and the heavy hand of Big Government is now limp and damp and trembly.
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English is the perfect language for preachers because it allows you to talk until you think of what to say.
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God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny.
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For me, the monologue was the favorite thing I had done in radio. It was based on writing, but in the end it was radio, it was standing up and leaning forward into the dark and talking, letting words come out of you.
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