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It was luxuries like air conditioning that brought down the Roman Empire. With air conditioning their windows were shut, they couldn't hear the barbarians coming.

Garrison Keillor

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Garrison Keillor
Age: 82
Born: 1942
Born: August 7
Author
Comedian
Humorist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Singer
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Anoka
Minnesota
Gary Edward Keillor
Hear
Empires
Like
Shut
Luxury
Luxuries
Brought
Barbarians
Window
Conditioning
Air
Roman
Couldn
Windows
Coming
Empire

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The socially redeeming aspect of golf lies in the vast number of lawyers and bankers and managers who play it, and when you think of the damage they would do if they were at the job instead, you can see why golf courses are a wise investment for any municipality.
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Beauty isn't worth thinking about what's important is your mind. You don't want a fifty-dollar haircut on a fifty-cent head. ~Garrison Keillor
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Take care of your friends. Because there will come a time when you'll be no good to anyone, and the only reason for people to talk to you will be sheer habit.
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I think that you are only obliged to be a humorist from the age of 18 until you turn 30. Past the age of 30 I don't think there is any obligation to be clever at all.
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Roy Blount's stuff makes me laugh so hard, sometimes I have to go sit in a room and shut the door
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In Lake Wobegon, we don't forget mistakes.
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Humor, a good sense of it, is to Americans what manhood is to Spaniards, and we will go to great lengths to prove it. Experiments with laboratory rats have shown that, if one psychologist in the room laughs at something a rat does, all of the other psychologists will laugh equally. Nobody wants to be left holding the joke.
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Jesus said the meek would inherit the earth, but so far all we've gotten is Minnesota and North Dakota.
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A cruise ship is a floating town of lazy people.
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A good friend is a person who thinks you're one of the good eggs, even if he knows you're a little cracked.
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Scripture doesn't promise that God will remove temptation, only that you'll be given strength to withstand it.
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Spending time in a church does not make you religious, any more than spending time in a garage makes you a car.
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When the country goes temporarily to the dogs, cats must learn to be circumspect, walk on fences, sleep in trees, and have faith that all this woofing is not the last word.
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In the end, all solutions are temporary.
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The great unrequited love tears open your heart to the beauty of the world, its small rivers and upland meadows. It also makes you kinder to the next hundred thousand persons who cross your path.
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There was a price to be paid for being interested in fiction and in writing, pushing my family away. Books and authors became my family.
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A minister has to be able to read a clock. At noon, it's time to go home and turn up the pot roast and get the peas out of the freezer.
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This is the big reason most humorists fail. Drunks don't read books.
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I can write anywhere. I write in airports. I write on airplanes. I've written in the back seats of taxis. I write in hotel rooms. I love hotel rooms. I just write wherever I am whenever I need to write.
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Dogs don't lie and why should I? Strangers come they growl and bark, they know their loved ones in the dark, Now let me, by night or day, Be just as full of truth as they.
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