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A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.

Garrison Keillor

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Garrison Keillor
Age: 82
Born: 1942
Born: August 7
Author
Comedian
Humorist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Singer
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Anoka
Minnesota
Gary Edward Keillor
Love
Compulsory
Like
Merry
Holiday
Christmas
Lovely
Funny
Xmas
Together
Thunderstorm
Thing
Festive

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Marrying for sex is like flying to London for the free peanuts and pretzels. It's not the point of the thing, is it?
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The socially redeeming aspect of golf lies in the vast number of lawyers and bankers and managers who play it, and when you think of the damage they would do if they were at the job instead, you can see why golf courses are a wise investment for any municipality.
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Nothing you do for children is ever wasted. They seem not to notice us, hovering, averting our eyes, and they seldom offer thanks, but what we do for them is never wasted.
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Humor is not a trick, not jokes. Humor is a presence in the world - like grace - and shines on everybody.
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You now have learned enough to see That Cats are much like you and me And other people whom we find Possessed of various types of mind. For some are sane and some are mad And some are good and some are bad And some are better, some are worse — But all may be described in verse.
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Ha! Easy for nuns to talk about giving up things. That's what they do for a living.
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Don't pour the oil directly into my navel, pour it on my sternum and let it run down into my navel, you ignorant peasant.
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Beauty isn't worth thinking about what's important is your mind. You don't want a fifty-dollar haircut on a fifty-cent head. ~Garrison Keillor
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Eating a little was like vomiting a little, just as bad as a lot.
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Most men are prisoners at best, Who some strong habit every drag about Like chain and ball.
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It is a sin to believe evil of others but it is seldom a mistake.
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A child can educate just about anybody.
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Those people on daytime TV talking about how their parents never gave them the positive feedback they needed and that's why they shot them- those are not Minnesotans.
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I remember when I switched from Christmas to sex as the secret of happiness.
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Even in a time of elephantine vanity and greed, one never has to look far to see the campfires of gentle people.
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Nothing you do for children is ever wasted.
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In Lake Wobegon, we don't forget mistakes.
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In the end, all solutions are temporary.
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Before the world was made, when it was only darkness and mist and waters, God was well aware of Lake Wobegon, my family, our house, and He had me all sketched out down to what size my feet would be (big), which bike I would ride (Schwinn), and the five ears of corn I'd eat for supper that night.
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Sometimes there is nothing you can do, and in those times, you must do something anyway.
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