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There are two kinds of jokes - funny jokes and Jack Benny jokes.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Benny
Jack
Kinds
Jokes
Funny
Two
Kind

More quotes by Fred Allen

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Cocktail party: A gathering held to enable forty people to talk about themselves at the same time. The man who remains after the liquor is gone is the host.
Fred Allen
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The first time I sang in the church choir two hundred people changed their religion.
Fred Allen
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English coffee tastes like water that has been squeezed out of a wet sleeve.
Fred Allen
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We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.
Fred Allen
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Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.
Fred Allen
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A comedian who starts talking to himself becomes his own audience. This is fatal.
Fred Allen
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He's so small, he's a waste of skin.
Fred Allen
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Washington is no place for a good actor. The competition from bad actors is too great.
Fred Allen
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Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
Fred Allen
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Television is a triumph of equipment over people.
Fred Allen
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A psychiatrists is the next man you start talking to after you start talking to yourself.
Fred Allen
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A molehill man is a pseudo-busy executive who comes to work at 9 AM and finds a molehill on his desk. He has until 5 PM to make this molehill into a mountain. An accomplished molehill man will often have his mountain finished before lunch.
Fred Allen
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On ships they call them barnacles in business they attach themselves to desks and are called vice presidents.
Fred Allen
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My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama.
Fred Allen
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I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.
Fred Allen
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With the advance of refrigeration, I hope that along with the frozen foods someday we will have frozen conversation. A person will be able to keep a frozen promise indefinitely.
Fred Allen
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In show business, more showgirls are kept than promises.
Fred Allen
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A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.
Fred Allen
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All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it.
Fred Allen
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You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.
Fred Allen