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There are two kinds of jokes - funny jokes and Jack Benny jokes.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Jack
Kinds
Jokes
Funny
Two
Kind
Benny

More quotes by Fred Allen

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A human being is nothing but a story with skin around it.
Fred Allen
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Radio is called a medium because it is rare that anything is well done.
Fred Allen
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I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.
Fred Allen
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Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.
Fred Allen
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Television is a triumph of equipment over people.
Fred Allen
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A molehill man is a pseudo-busy executive who comes to work at 9 AM and finds a molehill on his desk. He has until 5 PM to make this molehill into a mountain. An accomplished molehill man will often have his mountain finished before lunch.
Fred Allen
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A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
Fred Allen
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Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.
Fred Allen
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California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.
Fred Allen
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He dreamed he was eating shredded wheat and woke up to find the mattress half gone.
Fred Allen
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The average girl would rather have beauty than brains because she knows the average man can see much better than he can think- Ladies' Home JournalI'd rather have two girls at seventeen than one at thirty-four
Fred Allen
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Father Time is the make-up man responsible for the physical changes that determine the parts the average actor is to play.
Fred Allen
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A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.
Fred Allen
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My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.
Fred Allen
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My agent gets 10 percent of everything I get, except the blinding headaches.
Fred Allen
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I'm going to Boston to see my doctor. He's a very sick man.
Fred Allen
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What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement.
Fred Allen
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During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk today we have small men enjoying big talk.
Fred Allen
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If the grass is greener in the other fellow's yard- let him worry about cutting it.
Fred Allen
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Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.
Fred Allen