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There are two kinds of jokes - funny jokes and Jack Benny jokes.
Fred Allen
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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Jack
Kinds
Jokes
Funny
Two
Kind
Benny
More quotes by Fred Allen
A human being is nothing but a story with skin around it.
Fred Allen
Radio is called a medium because it is rare that anything is well done.
Fred Allen
I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.
Fred Allen
Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.
Fred Allen
Television is a triumph of equipment over people.
Fred Allen
A molehill man is a pseudo-busy executive who comes to work at 9 AM and finds a molehill on his desk. He has until 5 PM to make this molehill into a mountain. An accomplished molehill man will often have his mountain finished before lunch.
Fred Allen
A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
Fred Allen
Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.
Fred Allen
California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.
Fred Allen
He dreamed he was eating shredded wheat and woke up to find the mattress half gone.
Fred Allen
The average girl would rather have beauty than brains because she knows the average man can see much better than he can think- Ladies' Home JournalI'd rather have two girls at seventeen than one at thirty-four
Fred Allen
Father Time is the make-up man responsible for the physical changes that determine the parts the average actor is to play.
Fred Allen
A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.
Fred Allen
My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.
Fred Allen
My agent gets 10 percent of everything I get, except the blinding headaches.
Fred Allen
I'm going to Boston to see my doctor. He's a very sick man.
Fred Allen
What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement.
Fred Allen
During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk today we have small men enjoying big talk.
Fred Allen
If the grass is greener in the other fellow's yard- let him worry about cutting it.
Fred Allen
Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.
Fred Allen