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There are two kinds of jokes - funny jokes and Jack Benny jokes.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Kind
Benny
Jack
Kinds
Jokes
Funny
Two

More quotes by Fred Allen

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A psychiatrists is the next man you start talking to after you start talking to yourself.
Fred Allen
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Radio is called a medium because it is rare that anything is well done.
Fred Allen
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When Jack Benny plays the violin, it sounds as though the strings are still in the cat.
Fred Allen
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Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.
Fred Allen
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The average girl would rather have beauty than brains because she knows the average man can see much better than he can think- Ladies' Home JournalI'd rather have two girls at seventeen than one at thirty-four
Fred Allen
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The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed.
Fred Allen
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In show business, more showgirls are kept than promises.
Fred Allen
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Television is the triumph of machine over people.
Fred Allen
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The average vice-president is a form of executive fungus that attaches itself to a desk. On a boat this growth would be called a barnacle.
Fred Allen
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Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.
Fred Allen
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I'm going to Boston to see my doctor. He's a very sick man.
Fred Allen
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He's so small, he's a waste of skin.
Fred Allen
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A human being is nothing but a story with skin around it.
Fred Allen
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A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
Fred Allen
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With the advance of refrigeration, I hope that along with the frozen foods someday we will have frozen conversation. A person will be able to keep a frozen promise indefinitely.
Fred Allen
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Hollywood is a great place if you're an orange.
Fred Allen
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An associate producer is the only guy in Hollywood who will associate with a producer.
Fred Allen
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He dreamed he was eating shredded wheat and woke up to find the mattress half gone.
Fred Allen
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You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.
Fred Allen
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Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.
Fred Allen