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There are two kinds of jokes - funny jokes and Jack Benny jokes.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Two
Kind
Benny
Jack
Kinds
Jokes
Funny

More quotes by Fred Allen

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Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.
Fred Allen
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A comedian who starts talking to himself becomes his own audience. This is fatal.
Fred Allen
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Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.
Fred Allen
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All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it.
Fred Allen
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A human being is nothing but a story with skin around it.
Fred Allen
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The S.S. Sierra was a ten-thousand-ton vessel. Today, lifeboats bigger than the Sierra are found on the Queen Mary and other luxury liners.
Fred Allen
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Washington is no place for a good actor. The competition from bad actors is too great.
Fred Allen
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I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
Fred Allen
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A psychiatrists is the next man you start talking to after you start talking to yourself.
Fred Allen
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Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
Fred Allen
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A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.
Fred Allen
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English coffee tastes like water that has been squeezed out of a wet sleeve.
Fred Allen
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When Jack Benny plays the violin, it sounds as though the strings are still in the cat.
Fred Allen
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If the grass is greener in the other fellow's yard- let him worry about cutting it.
Fred Allen
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Radio is called a medium because it is rare that anything is well done.
Fred Allen
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During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk today we have small men enjoying big talk.
Fred Allen
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The first thing that strikes a visitor to Paris is a taxi.
Fred Allen
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Success is like dealing with your kid or teaching your wife to drive. Sooner or later you'll end up in the police station.
Fred Allen
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Father Time is the make-up man responsible for the physical changes that determine the parts the average actor is to play.
Fred Allen
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Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.
Fred Allen