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There are two kinds of jokes - funny jokes and Jack Benny jokes.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Jack
Kinds
Jokes
Funny
Two
Kind
Benny

More quotes by Fred Allen

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The average girl would rather have beauty than brains because she knows the average man can see much better than he can think- Ladies' Home JournalI'd rather have two girls at seventeen than one at thirty-four
Fred Allen
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Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.
Fred Allen
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My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.
Fred Allen
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A molehill man is a pseudo-busy executive who comes to work at 9 AM and finds a molehill on his desk. He has until 5 PM to make this molehill into a mountain. An accomplished molehill man will often have his mountain finished before lunch.
Fred Allen
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Father Time is the make-up man responsible for the physical changes that determine the parts the average actor is to play.
Fred Allen
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Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.
Fred Allen
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Success is like dealing with your kid or teaching your wife to drive. Sooner or later you'll end up in the police station.
Fred Allen
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The first time I sang in the church choir two hundred people changed their religion.
Fred Allen
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Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.
Fred Allen
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A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.
Fred Allen
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The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed.
Fred Allen
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When Jack Benny plays the violin, it sounds as though the strings are still in the cat.
Fred Allen
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Everywhere outside New York City is Bridgeport, Connecticut.
Fred Allen
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Television is a triumph of equipment over people.
Fred Allen
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California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.
Fred Allen
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The S.S. Sierra was a ten-thousand-ton vessel. Today, lifeboats bigger than the Sierra are found on the Queen Mary and other luxury liners.
Fred Allen
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Hush, little bright line, don’t you cry You’ll be a cliché by and by.
Fred Allen
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In show business, more showgirls are kept than promises.
Fred Allen
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I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.
Fred Allen
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My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama.
Fred Allen