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The average vice-president is a form of executive fungus that attaches itself to a desk. On a boat this growth would be called a barnacle.
Fred Allen
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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Would
Vice
Fungus
Boat
Barnacles
Vices
Attaches
Average
Fungi
Growth
Desk
Called
Desks
President
Executive
Form
Executives
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An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.
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With the advance of refrigeration, I hope that along with the frozen foods someday we will have frozen conversation. A person will be able to keep a frozen promise indefinitely.
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He dreamed he was eating shredded wheat and woke up to find the mattress half gone.
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A human being is nothing but a story with skin around it.
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I'm going to Boston to see my doctor. He's a very sick man.
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Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
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Success is like dealing with your kid or teaching your wife to drive. Sooner or later you'll end up in the police station.
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Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.
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We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.
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A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better.
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If the grass is greener in the other fellow's yard- let him worry about cutting it.
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A molehill man is a pseudo-busy executive who comes to work at 9 AM and finds a molehill on his desk. He has until 5 PM to make this molehill into a mountain. An accomplished molehill man will often have his mountain finished before lunch.
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During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk today we have small men enjoying big talk.
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Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.
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He always had a chip on his shoulder that he was ready to use to kindle an argument.
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Hollywood is a great place if you're an orange.
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There are two kinds of jokes - funny jokes and Jack Benny jokes.
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Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.
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A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
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Television is a triumph of equipment over people.
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