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The average vice-president is a form of executive fungus that attaches itself to a desk. On a boat this growth would be called a barnacle.
Fred Allen
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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Average
Fungi
Growth
Desk
Called
Desks
President
Executive
Form
Executives
Would
Vice
Fungus
Boat
Barnacles
Vices
Attaches
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Television is the triumph of machine over people.
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A psychiatrists is the next man you start talking to after you start talking to yourself.
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When Jack Benny plays the violin, it sounds as though the strings are still in the cat.
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Father Time is the make-up man responsible for the physical changes that determine the parts the average actor is to play.
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On ships they call them barnacles in business they attach themselves to desks and are called vice presidents.
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A comedian who starts talking to himself becomes his own audience. This is fatal.
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The average girl would rather have beauty than brains because she knows the average man can see much better than he can think- Ladies' Home JournalI'd rather have two girls at seventeen than one at thirty-four
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All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it.
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The first thing that strikes a visitor to Paris is a taxi.
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My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama.
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I'm going to Boston to see my doctor. He's a very sick man.
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The first time I sang in the church choir two hundred people changed their religion.
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If the grass is greener in the other fellow's yard- let him worry about cutting it.
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You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.
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California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.
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He always had a chip on his shoulder that he was ready to use to kindle an argument.
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An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.
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We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.
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