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Everywhere outside New York City is Bridgeport, Connecticut.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Everywhere
York
City
Outside
Humor
Cities
Funny
Connecticut

More quotes by Fred Allen

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An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.
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A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.
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A comedian who starts talking to himself becomes his own audience. This is fatal.
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A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better.
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The average vice-president is a form of executive fungus that attaches itself to a desk. On a boat this growth would be called a barnacle.
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The S.S. Sierra was a ten-thousand-ton vessel. Today, lifeboats bigger than the Sierra are found on the Queen Mary and other luxury liners.
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A human being is nothing but a story with skin around it.
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A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
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The first thing that strikes a visitor to Paris is a taxi.
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I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.
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My agent gets 10 percent of everything I get, except the blinding headaches.
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Cocktail party: A gathering held to enable forty people to talk about themselves at the same time. The man who remains after the liquor is gone is the host.
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There are two kinds of jokes - funny jokes and Jack Benny jokes.
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What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement.
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In show business, more showgirls are kept than promises.
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An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.
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The first time I sang in the church choir two hundred people changed their religion.
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Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.
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My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.
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Hush, little bright line, don’t you cry You’ll be a cliché by and by.
Fred Allen