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Everywhere outside New York City is Bridgeport, Connecticut.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Funny
Connecticut
Everywhere
York
City
Outside
Humor
Cities

More quotes by Fred Allen

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He's so small, he's a waste of skin.
Fred Allen
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An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.
Fred Allen
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The first thing that strikes a visitor to Paris is a taxi.
Fred Allen
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We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.
Fred Allen
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I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.
Fred Allen
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My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama.
Fred Allen
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A molehill man is a pseudo-busy executive who comes to work at 9 AM and finds a molehill on his desk. He has until 5 PM to make this molehill into a mountain. An accomplished molehill man will often have his mountain finished before lunch.
Fred Allen
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English coffee tastes like water that has been squeezed out of a wet sleeve.
Fred Allen
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Father Time is the make-up man responsible for the physical changes that determine the parts the average actor is to play.
Fred Allen
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An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.
Fred Allen
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It is bad to suppress laughter. It goes back down and spreads to your hips.
Fred Allen
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With the advance of refrigeration, I hope that along with the frozen foods someday we will have frozen conversation. A person will be able to keep a frozen promise indefinitely.
Fred Allen
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The S.S. Sierra was a ten-thousand-ton vessel. Today, lifeboats bigger than the Sierra are found on the Queen Mary and other luxury liners.
Fred Allen
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During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk today we have small men enjoying big talk.
Fred Allen
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When Jack Benny plays the violin, it sounds as though the strings are still in the cat.
Fred Allen
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Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.
Fred Allen
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My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.
Fred Allen
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The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed.
Fred Allen
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I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
Fred Allen
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If the grass is greener in the other fellow's yard- let him worry about cutting it.
Fred Allen