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Everywhere outside New York City is Bridgeport, Connecticut.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
City
Outside
Humor
Cities
Funny
Connecticut
Everywhere
York

More quotes by Fred Allen

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On ships they call them barnacles in business they attach themselves to desks and are called vice presidents.
Fred Allen
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Success is like dealing with your kid or teaching your wife to drive. Sooner or later you'll end up in the police station.
Fred Allen
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You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.
Fred Allen
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If the grass is greener in the other fellow's yard- let him worry about cutting it.
Fred Allen
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Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.
Fred Allen
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My agent gets 10 percent of everything I get, except the blinding headaches.
Fred Allen
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A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
Fred Allen
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There are two kinds of jokes - funny jokes and Jack Benny jokes.
Fred Allen
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An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.
Fred Allen
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He always had a chip on his shoulder that he was ready to use to kindle an argument.
Fred Allen
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A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.
Fred Allen
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All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it.
Fred Allen
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The average vice-president is a form of executive fungus that attaches itself to a desk. On a boat this growth would be called a barnacle.
Fred Allen
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I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.
Fred Allen
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Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.
Fred Allen
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When Jack Benny plays the violin, it sounds as though the strings are still in the cat.
Fred Allen
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A molehill man is a pseudo-busy executive who comes to work at 9 AM and finds a molehill on his desk. He has until 5 PM to make this molehill into a mountain. An accomplished molehill man will often have his mountain finished before lunch.
Fred Allen
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During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk today we have small men enjoying big talk.
Fred Allen
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A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better.
Fred Allen
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My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama.
Fred Allen