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Hollywood is a great place if you're an orange.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Hollywood
Art
Place
Great
Orange
Entertainment

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My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.
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Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.
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Everywhere outside New York City is Bridgeport, Connecticut.
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Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
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I'm going to Boston to see my doctor. He's a very sick man.
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A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
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The first thing that strikes a visitor to Paris is a taxi.
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Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.
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My agent gets 10 percent of everything I get, except the blinding headaches.
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What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement.
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Hush, little bright line, don’t you cry You’ll be a cliché by and by.
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Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.
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Washington is no place for a good actor. The competition from bad actors is too great.
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Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.
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A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.
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Success is like dealing with your kid or teaching your wife to drive. Sooner or later you'll end up in the police station.
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When Jack Benny plays the violin, it sounds as though the strings are still in the cat.
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He dreamed he was eating shredded wheat and woke up to find the mattress half gone.
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A molehill man is a pseudo-busy executive who comes to work at 9 AM and finds a molehill on his desk. He has until 5 PM to make this molehill into a mountain. An accomplished molehill man will often have his mountain finished before lunch.
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The S.S. Sierra was a ten-thousand-ton vessel. Today, lifeboats bigger than the Sierra are found on the Queen Mary and other luxury liners.
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