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Hollywood is a great place if you're an orange.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Art
Place
Great
Orange
Entertainment
Hollywood

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An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.
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In show business, more showgirls are kept than promises.
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You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.
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Television is a triumph of equipment over people.
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It is bad to suppress laughter. It goes back down and spreads to your hips.
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A molehill man is a pseudo-busy executive who comes to work at 9 AM and finds a molehill on his desk. He has until 5 PM to make this molehill into a mountain. An accomplished molehill man will often have his mountain finished before lunch.
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Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.
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During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk today we have small men enjoying big talk.
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There are two kinds of jokes - funny jokes and Jack Benny jokes.
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The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed.
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When Jack Benny plays the violin, it sounds as though the strings are still in the cat.
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An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.
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A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.
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Television is the triumph of machine over people.
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Everywhere outside New York City is Bridgeport, Connecticut.
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A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better.
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I'm going to Boston to see my doctor. He's a very sick man.
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He's so small, he's a waste of skin.
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An associate producer is the only guy in Hollywood who will associate with a producer.
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The first time I sang in the church choir two hundred people changed their religion.
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