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Hollywood is a great place if you're an orange.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Orange
Entertainment
Hollywood
Art
Place
Great

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The S.S. Sierra was a ten-thousand-ton vessel. Today, lifeboats bigger than the Sierra are found on the Queen Mary and other luxury liners.
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Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.
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I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
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Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.
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A human being is nothing but a story with skin around it.
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Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.
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Cocktail party: A gathering held to enable forty people to talk about themselves at the same time. The man who remains after the liquor is gone is the host.
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Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.
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The average girl would rather have beauty than brains because she knows the average man can see much better than he can think- Ladies' Home JournalI'd rather have two girls at seventeen than one at thirty-four
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A psychiatrists is the next man you start talking to after you start talking to yourself.
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A comedian who starts talking to himself becomes his own audience. This is fatal.
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Father Time is the make-up man responsible for the physical changes that determine the parts the average actor is to play.
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There are two kinds of jokes - funny jokes and Jack Benny jokes.
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Hush, little bright line, don’t you cry You’ll be a cliché by and by.
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He's so small, he's a waste of skin.
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During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk today we have small men enjoying big talk.
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When Jack Benny plays the violin, it sounds as though the strings are still in the cat.
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I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.
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All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it.
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