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Hollywood is a great place if you're an orange.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Entertainment
Hollywood
Art
Place
Great
Orange

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Television is the triumph of machine over people.
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He always had a chip on his shoulder that he was ready to use to kindle an argument.
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The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed.
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Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.
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English coffee tastes like water that has been squeezed out of a wet sleeve.
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Hush, little bright line, don’t you cry You’ll be a cliché by and by.
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I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
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What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement.
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When Jack Benny plays the violin, it sounds as though the strings are still in the cat.
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The average girl would rather have beauty than brains because she knows the average man can see much better than he can think- Ladies' Home JournalI'd rather have two girls at seventeen than one at thirty-four
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Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.
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Cocktail party: A gathering held to enable forty people to talk about themselves at the same time. The man who remains after the liquor is gone is the host.
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The first time I sang in the church choir two hundred people changed their religion.
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Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.
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All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it.
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A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better.
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With the advance of refrigeration, I hope that along with the frozen foods someday we will have frozen conversation. A person will be able to keep a frozen promise indefinitely.
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Television is a triumph of equipment over people.
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The average vice-president is a form of executive fungus that attaches itself to a desk. On a boat this growth would be called a barnacle.
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I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.
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