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My agent gets 10 percent of everything I get, except the blinding headaches.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Except
Gets
Percent
Everything
Headaches
Blinding
Headache
Agent
Agents

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A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better.
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Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.
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I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
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Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.
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With the advance of refrigeration, I hope that along with the frozen foods someday we will have frozen conversation. A person will be able to keep a frozen promise indefinitely.
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A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.
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He always had a chip on his shoulder that he was ready to use to kindle an argument.
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Success is like dealing with your kid or teaching your wife to drive. Sooner or later you'll end up in the police station.
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Father Time is the make-up man responsible for the physical changes that determine the parts the average actor is to play.
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During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk today we have small men enjoying big talk.
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A psychiatrists is the next man you start talking to after you start talking to yourself.
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If the grass is greener in the other fellow's yard- let him worry about cutting it.
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He's so small, he's a waste of skin.
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An associate producer is the only guy in Hollywood who will associate with a producer.
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Washington is no place for a good actor. The competition from bad actors is too great.
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All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it.
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Television is the triumph of machine over people.
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We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.
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English coffee tastes like water that has been squeezed out of a wet sleeve.
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The first thing that strikes a visitor to Paris is a taxi.
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