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My agent gets 10 percent of everything I get, except the blinding headaches.

Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Percent
Everything
Headaches
Blinding
Headache
Agent
Agents
Except
Gets

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My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.
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There are two kinds of jokes - funny jokes and Jack Benny jokes.
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Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.
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Radio is called a medium because it is rare that anything is well done.
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Television is a triumph of equipment over people.
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Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.
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What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement.
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On ships they call them barnacles in business they attach themselves to desks and are called vice presidents.
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In show business, more showgirls are kept than promises.
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I'm going to Boston to see my doctor. He's a very sick man.
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I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
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Hush, little bright line, don’t you cry You’ll be a cliché by and by.
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A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.
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Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
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Father Time is the make-up man responsible for the physical changes that determine the parts the average actor is to play.
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Everywhere outside New York City is Bridgeport, Connecticut.
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My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama.
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A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
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A molehill man is a pseudo-busy executive who comes to work at 9 AM and finds a molehill on his desk. He has until 5 PM to make this molehill into a mountain. An accomplished molehill man will often have his mountain finished before lunch.
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An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.
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