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My agent gets 10 percent of everything I get, except the blinding headaches.
Fred Allen
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Fred Allen
Age: 61 †
Born: 1894
Born: May 31
Died: 1956
Died: March 17
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Cambridge
Massachusetts
John Florence Sullivan
Everything
Headaches
Blinding
Headache
Agent
Agents
Except
Gets
Percent
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Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
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Radio is called a medium because it is rare that anything is well done.
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Television is a triumph of equipment over people.
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He always had a chip on his shoulder that he was ready to use to kindle an argument.
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It is bad to suppress laughter. It goes back down and spreads to your hips.
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Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.
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Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.
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Television is the triumph of machine over people.
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An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.
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The first thing that strikes a visitor to Paris is a taxi.
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I'm going to Boston to see my doctor. He's a very sick man.
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A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better.
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Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.
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Success is like dealing with your kid or teaching your wife to drive. Sooner or later you'll end up in the police station.
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Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.
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An associate producer is the only guy in Hollywood who will associate with a producer.
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In show business, more showgirls are kept than promises.
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There are two kinds of jokes - funny jokes and Jack Benny jokes.
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A human being is nothing but a story with skin around it.
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Cocktail party: A gathering held to enable forty people to talk about themselves at the same time. The man who remains after the liquor is gone is the host.
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